well today is tuesday the 18th.i guess i'm still breathing.i still cry everyday but not every moment.yesterday i had to go through justin's clothes i cried the whole time they smelled just like justin i sat for awhile just smelling his clothes.took me a while to finish.i just want to keep them but i know i can't i gave them to people that needed them.it was a very sad time.i didn't think i could do it,but some how i know God helped me through it.my out look on life has changed so much i'm so worried about my other two children ashli move out a couple weeks ago worries me to death.i didn't do a very good job raising my first child i should of helped more talked to him more about drugs.i have good girls  but sometimes i think one bad choice and they could be taken away.it's a tough world out there, i hope it will have helped them,to see what drugs could do after their brother justin died. my heart just aches for justin i want to see his smile,and all those hugs,kisses and i love you.the mother of one of my grandchlid braden is mad at me because when braden comes over he will call his mother's boyfriend daddy and when he comes over here i tell him michael is not his daddy that justin is his daddy,well i guess he went home and told his mother that mema said that michael wasn't his dad.so i didn't get to see braden this last weekend it just breaks my heart but like my husbsnd said that's the only dad he will ever know he's 3 and 1/2 very smart i get pictures out of him and his daddy.but he can't understand where his daddy has gone he tells me he is lost and wants to go find him.i need prayers to build me up and say it's ok and i day i will understand. jfm24,vicki