Why

I feel like I am drowning. All my feelings are coming out. I keep trying to push them back but the flashbacks keep punishing me. I feel so guilty and alone and I feel like no one cares. I'm just a horrible person. I'm worthless.
Why am I a failure? I must just give up.
My husband is an ass. He says I'm not trust worthy. That I betray him. He R*PED me I did nothing to betray his trust.
Maybe I deserve this. I don't know. I'm I pain.
The bastard who abused and R*ped me when I was six told me I deserved it. That he loved me.
When I was 15 the five guys who kidnapped me R*ped me I was told that this is how I was suppose to get this.
Did I deserve this?