Update..
So, lately things have been up and down. I can't say they are horrible but I can't say they are amazing. I really believe it has to do with this evil medication I have been on.
A couple weeks ago I was really buckling down and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I knew in order to really get a secure career I would have to go back to school. I haven't actually committed to school in years. My parents separated when I was graduating the sixth grade. Great graduation present right? I was in Catholic school and a straight A student. I loved school. Then they separated and on the last day of school as all of my friends got their report cards they withheld mine. The teacher/principle both publicly in front of the class asked me to step outside. They proceeded to tell me that they were holding my report card until my parents paid the tuition. Afterwards I asked to use the restroom and sat in there for a half hour to cry until the bell rang. I grabbed my stuff and left. Now that I think about it, that is a really shitty thing to do to a kid. I worked so hard to pass and they embarrass me for something I couldn't control? FUCK YOU SMGH! So much for being Godly Catholics huh? Well, anyways afterwards my parents told me that I was going to transfer to public school for 7th and 8th grade. I was terrified. I practically LIVED in Catholic school. I had a whole summer to freak out. Most of my friends stopped talking to me. Rumors flew that I failed and they kicked me out. Everyone made fun of me behind my back. It was a hard summer.. At such a young age I had to learn how to let go. Let go of my Dad because he was leaving and let go of these people I pretty much grew up with whom I called "friends". It was tough..
Now that I am older I see that everything happens for a reason. If I didn't transfer I would have never met my best friend Desiree. But unfortunately once I transferred I went downhill. I pretty much glided through 7th and 8th grade, barely passing. I honestly don't know HOW I passed. I barely did any work. I became close to Desi and didn't really care about the work. I got my first "school boyfriend" and honestly I just wanted to leave school. My parents weren't together. I was depressed. Both of my parents were in different relationships and both had a new child a year and 1/2 apart. When I got to High School that's when the real madness started. I learned how to cut school and I did it often. Okay, let's be serious. I cut most of my High School experience until I decided to drop out. I just.. didn't care. And my parents didn't really try to stop me either. They honestly were too busy.
So, I dropped out. That's when life went downhill. It had it's ups but it was mostly downs. And before you think I am being too negative, honestly? I have lived a pretty hard life. I try not to dwell in all the bad because it honestly HAS made me the strong individual I am today. In a sense it was all worth it? The pain, the heartache, the drama, the negativity. I have had some really good moments and yes the bad outweighed the good but without pain there would be no strength. And, sometimes? When I think about all the pain I have overcome I honestly feel like Superwomen.
Okay, let's get to the point! (I love to ramble) I was working for a couple years and decided making money was more important than getting a GED because I actually HAD the job and was MAKING the money. Idiot. Then I got into hardcore drinking. ANYWAYS It took me long enough but I got my GED. I was very proud. But unfortunately I didn't know what I wanted to do next. The PCOS started acting up. I started getting symptoms I never had before, and the medication was making me feel worse. STILL is making me feel worse. I started going back to my bad place.
Then I decided to get off my ass and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I took career tests that match your personality. Most of them pointed towards helping people. Daycare, nursing, etc. Basically working in a doctor's office or hospital. After lots of research into different careers I have decided to get into Ultrasound Technician. I found a GREAT school that is one train away. The more I research the more excited I get. I have looked into SO many different things but nothing excited me. I didn't get that "feeling". You know, that feelings where you just KNOW that is for you? Well.. I have found what I want to do. And I can't be anymore excited!
But like everything else in my life, I have to sort things out in my life before I do something that will make me happy. First, I have to make an appointment to see an Endo to discuss my PCOS because in order to commit to school I can't deal with this insomnia and mood swings. It is TERRIBLE. And I want to focus 100% and not have to worry about going through these feelings and pain when I take my medicine. Then I have to go back to my dentist and get that out of the way. Then I need to call the school and make an appointment with them. I am not sure if I should contact financial aid first? Or the school? Idk I am overwhelmed with excitement, and the fact that I can be so happy about something makes me want to jump and do it right now!
I have also decided to do some very early spring cleaning of my Facebook. Unfortunately I am a forgiving idiot and have a couple exes or people that have done me wrong on there. I understand being a forgiving person is a good thing but keeping them in your life is not a smart thing. I just want people who are supportive of me and who bring something positive to my life. If I do this I probably will have like 20 people on there but IDC. It's my life right? I can't allow these people to be in my life, and let's be serious. Facebook is just an easier way to stalk people and see what's going on in their life. I don't need that... They shouldn't know my every move or even know how I feel after what they have done to me! I would honestly just deactivate it but I do have good people I keep in touch with. I don't have a cellphone that works anymore so I usually talk to everyone on there.
Another thing I have decided to do is not date while I am in school. I know we can't control Fate, BUT I have no desire to get into a relationship. I haven't been in a serious relationship in quite a while and I want to keep it that way. Not mention I can't think of ANY guy that I dated that was actually a good person. =/ If I do end up meeting someone, they need to realize that my first priority is my schoolwork. I don't mind meeting new people/friends. But, I am not ready for love! School first! And NO SEX! Especially no sex. It's been almost a year since I had sex and I don't plan on breaking my promise to myself! Lol!
The point of this update is that I plan to make major changes. There are many reasons why I have problems with keeping a smile on my face and being happy. Instead of feeling miserable and waiting for things to change I WILL DO the changing myself. We are in charge of our own lives. Why live a life of misery? There are things in this world that make me happy. I need to start focusing on that rather than all the negative. I will be okay. I just can't WAIT to go back to school. I am so excited. =)
Other than that I am pretty excited to be turning 25. It's inSANE how the time flies. It feels like yesterday that I was 15 talking to my best friend about where we could be when we were 25. Def didn't go as planned but whatever. If life was perfect and you got everything you wanted 247 life would be BORING. Working hard and achieving your goals/succeeding is the BEST feeling.
Hope everything is enjoying the cold. I think it is supposed to snow again. I am excited.
=)
A couple weeks ago I was really buckling down and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I knew in order to really get a secure career I would have to go back to school. I haven't actually committed to school in years. My parents separated when I was graduating the sixth grade. Great graduation present right? I was in Catholic school and a straight A student. I loved school. Then they separated and on the last day of school as all of my friends got their report cards they withheld mine. The teacher/principle both publicly in front of the class asked me to step outside. They proceeded to tell me that they were holding my report card until my parents paid the tuition. Afterwards I asked to use the restroom and sat in there for a half hour to cry until the bell rang. I grabbed my stuff and left. Now that I think about it, that is a really shitty thing to do to a kid. I worked so hard to pass and they embarrass me for something I couldn't control? FUCK YOU SMGH! So much for being Godly Catholics huh? Well, anyways afterwards my parents told me that I was going to transfer to public school for 7th and 8th grade. I was terrified. I practically LIVED in Catholic school. I had a whole summer to freak out. Most of my friends stopped talking to me. Rumors flew that I failed and they kicked me out. Everyone made fun of me behind my back. It was a hard summer.. At such a young age I had to learn how to let go. Let go of my Dad because he was leaving and let go of these people I pretty much grew up with whom I called "friends". It was tough..
Now that I am older I see that everything happens for a reason. If I didn't transfer I would have never met my best friend Desiree. But unfortunately once I transferred I went downhill. I pretty much glided through 7th and 8th grade, barely passing. I honestly don't know HOW I passed. I barely did any work. I became close to Desi and didn't really care about the work. I got my first "school boyfriend" and honestly I just wanted to leave school. My parents weren't together. I was depressed. Both of my parents were in different relationships and both had a new child a year and 1/2 apart. When I got to High School that's when the real madness started. I learned how to cut school and I did it often. Okay, let's be serious. I cut most of my High School experience until I decided to drop out. I just.. didn't care. And my parents didn't really try to stop me either. They honestly were too busy.
So, I dropped out. That's when life went downhill. It had it's ups but it was mostly downs. And before you think I am being too negative, honestly? I have lived a pretty hard life. I try not to dwell in all the bad because it honestly HAS made me the strong individual I am today. In a sense it was all worth it? The pain, the heartache, the drama, the negativity. I have had some really good moments and yes the bad outweighed the good but without pain there would be no strength. And, sometimes? When I think about all the pain I have overcome I honestly feel like Superwomen.
Okay, let's get to the point! (I love to ramble) I was working for a couple years and decided making money was more important than getting a GED because I actually HAD the job and was MAKING the money. Idiot. Then I got into hardcore drinking. ANYWAYS It took me long enough but I got my GED. I was very proud. But unfortunately I didn't know what I wanted to do next. The PCOS started acting up. I started getting symptoms I never had before, and the medication was making me feel worse. STILL is making me feel worse. I started going back to my bad place.
Then I decided to get off my ass and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I took career tests that match your personality. Most of them pointed towards helping people. Daycare, nursing, etc. Basically working in a doctor's office or hospital. After lots of research into different careers I have decided to get into Ultrasound Technician. I found a GREAT school that is one train away. The more I research the more excited I get. I have looked into SO many different things but nothing excited me. I didn't get that "feeling". You know, that feelings where you just KNOW that is for you? Well.. I have found what I want to do. And I can't be anymore excited!
But like everything else in my life, I have to sort things out in my life before I do something that will make me happy. First, I have to make an appointment to see an Endo to discuss my PCOS because in order to commit to school I can't deal with this insomnia and mood swings. It is TERRIBLE. And I want to focus 100% and not have to worry about going through these feelings and pain when I take my medicine. Then I have to go back to my dentist and get that out of the way. Then I need to call the school and make an appointment with them. I am not sure if I should contact financial aid first? Or the school? Idk I am overwhelmed with excitement, and the fact that I can be so happy about something makes me want to jump and do it right now!
I have also decided to do some very early spring cleaning of my Facebook. Unfortunately I am a forgiving idiot and have a couple exes or people that have done me wrong on there. I understand being a forgiving person is a good thing but keeping them in your life is not a smart thing. I just want people who are supportive of me and who bring something positive to my life. If I do this I probably will have like 20 people on there but IDC. It's my life right? I can't allow these people to be in my life, and let's be serious. Facebook is just an easier way to stalk people and see what's going on in their life. I don't need that... They shouldn't know my every move or even know how I feel after what they have done to me! I would honestly just deactivate it but I do have good people I keep in touch with. I don't have a cellphone that works anymore so I usually talk to everyone on there.
Another thing I have decided to do is not date while I am in school. I know we can't control Fate, BUT I have no desire to get into a relationship. I haven't been in a serious relationship in quite a while and I want to keep it that way. Not mention I can't think of ANY guy that I dated that was actually a good person. =/ If I do end up meeting someone, they need to realize that my first priority is my schoolwork. I don't mind meeting new people/friends. But, I am not ready for love! School first! And NO SEX! Especially no sex. It's been almost a year since I had sex and I don't plan on breaking my promise to myself! Lol!
The point of this update is that I plan to make major changes. There are many reasons why I have problems with keeping a smile on my face and being happy. Instead of feeling miserable and waiting for things to change I WILL DO the changing myself. We are in charge of our own lives. Why live a life of misery? There are things in this world that make me happy. I need to start focusing on that rather than all the negative. I will be okay. I just can't WAIT to go back to school. I am so excited. =)
Other than that I am pretty excited to be turning 25. It's inSANE how the time flies. It feels like yesterday that I was 15 talking to my best friend about where we could be when we were 25. Def didn't go as planned but whatever. If life was perfect and you got everything you wanted 247 life would be BORING. Working hard and achieving your goals/succeeding is the BEST feeling.
Hope everything is enjoying the cold. I think it is supposed to snow again. I am excited.
=)
Replies
congratulations on your decision.
Thanks love