Thanksgiving

Well, the job didn't last long. On a good note, I lost ten pounds in the two weeks I was working.
Thanksgiving is this week, and my daughter is going to another state to spend it with her bio-mom and her sister. I'm a little sad about that.
I'm looking into residential treatment homes for my son. I just can't handle his outbursts, his constant threats to self harm, and his unwillingness to respond to therapy. I'm barely keeping my symptoms in check, and don't have the coping skills for this, let alone be the support he needs. He's in constant trouble for his outbursts at school, and they don't have a clue how to handle him either. This is my biggest trigger right there. I feel like I am saying I have failed as a parent when I say I can't handle this. But I can't give him what he needs anymore. I question whether I ever was. I couldn't protect him from being molested, I can't protect him from the consequences of his actions. Two years ago, he hurt another kid. He was young enough then that charges weren't filed. If he hurts someone that bad again now, they'll persecute him, neverminding his mental illness. That scares me, I don't want that for my son. So, I am calling all the homes I can find. I've already been told by two that they can't handle that severe of a behavioral challenge. The last one at least gave me numbers to some other places to call.
I found a book of mindfullness exercises. Supposedly, the concept is to experience the emotion objectively. We'll see how that works out. Anything is worth a try in my current state.