tears

I don't know if I'm going to make it until this afternoon to see my pdoc. I can't stop crying, and the urge to cut is strong. I'm not hallucinating, so that's good. It's just stressful to sit in the waiting room at the clinic, so I don't want to show up early. But I kinda want to on the off chance she'll see me early. The anxiety is almost unmanagable, I'm carving bits of skin off my arms with my nails. I've taken my meds this morning, but I forgot them the last two days, so....they aren't going to just miraculously work. I wish. I used to think there was this 'magic pill' that would make me feel all better, and for a while I thought I had found it in Abilify. Just sucks it quit working. It's been a year, I wonder if it would do anything if I got back on it. Oooh, the pain in my neck from tension is starting to make my head throb.
I have a few muscle relaxers hidden from when I tore the tendon in my calf...I want one, they make me super sleepy. Sleep is a coping mechanism, right?