26 Jun2010
Lately my mind has been changing in ways I don't know how to deal with, but to cry.
For so long I had no pain in thinking that if I were to die, my family would move on and be fine. Yet lately I have had images in my mind of the pain my death would cause those I love. My heart hurts to think of the pain they would feel. It's not a self centered thing, it's something that has come to me of late.
I have come to under the realization that people really do love me. They aren't just going through all the motions, I mean some are, but not all of them. I've found opening my heart doesn't have to be painful. The warmth that you get from love is almost beyond words.
I feel like I am becoming human again after such a long time as a malfunctioning robot. I am on a very strange road at the moment, something I am not sure how to handle.
I feel upbeat, happier than I have been in a long time. Hopeful, positive. Looking forward to the future.
For so long I had no pain in thinking that if I were to die, my family would move on and be fine. Yet lately I have had images in my mind of the pain my death would cause those I love. My heart hurts to think of the pain they would feel. It's not a self centered thing, it's something that has come to me of late.
I have come to under the realization that people really do love me. They aren't just going through all the motions, I mean some are, but not all of them. I've found opening my heart doesn't have to be painful. The warmth that you get from love is almost beyond words.
I feel like I am becoming human again after such a long time as a malfunctioning robot. I am on a very strange road at the moment, something I am not sure how to handle.
I feel upbeat, happier than I have been in a long time. Hopeful, positive. Looking forward to the future.
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