So....
We had a family reunion yesterday, family I haven't seen since all the crap went down after Theresa died. I really did not want to go, to say the least. I only went to appease dad, and I truly didn't intend to stay very long, an hour tops. Timmy of course refused to come, although that's no great loss, I don't particularly like walking on eggshells the whole time I'm trying to enjoy time with the family. Anyway.....
i am so glad I went. My grandfather lit up to see me, he kept coming over asking for just one more hug, actually my heart broke to think of how much I've shut out this part of my life. It wasn't just the incident following the death, it's been going on much longer than that. I pretty much started shutting people out long ago because it just wasn't with the fight with Timmy, or hearing from them about how much I was changing or how I needed to get rid of him. Basically, I hid.
I am ashamed to admit that my children don't even know these people, their flesh and blood, a support system they really needed. I'm ashamed that my grandfather will be 80 in a few months and I've missed so many years. I'm ashamed that my family loves me and would have helped me, but I just refused to reach out for it. I miss them so much!
Coming home, of course Timmy tried to start a fight. He was heading to the track, but that didn't matter. To him, I was just gone too long. I was there for, gasp....four whole hours. I just refused to engage in an argument. I realized last night that I need my family, I want them in mine and my kids lives. I'm going to insist on spending time with them. My kids deserve that and so do I.
i am so glad I went. My grandfather lit up to see me, he kept coming over asking for just one more hug, actually my heart broke to think of how much I've shut out this part of my life. It wasn't just the incident following the death, it's been going on much longer than that. I pretty much started shutting people out long ago because it just wasn't with the fight with Timmy, or hearing from them about how much I was changing or how I needed to get rid of him. Basically, I hid.
I am ashamed to admit that my children don't even know these people, their flesh and blood, a support system they really needed. I'm ashamed that my grandfather will be 80 in a few months and I've missed so many years. I'm ashamed that my family loves me and would have helped me, but I just refused to reach out for it. I miss them so much!
Coming home, of course Timmy tried to start a fight. He was heading to the track, but that didn't matter. To him, I was just gone too long. I was there for, gasp....four whole hours. I just refused to engage in an argument. I realized last night that I need my family, I want them in mine and my kids lives. I'm going to insist on spending time with them. My kids deserve that and so do I.
Replies
I agree, the more people that love your kids, the better. It gives them a firm foundation. And if you have support from your family, that is also a great thing (for you, not for your so-called partner). My exH vilified my family and made me keep them at arms\' length for years. He truly hated them. Now that we are no longer together, the bonds have gotten stronger and it\'s clear that they were concerned about me all along, living with him. We are not extra close or anything, but they are supportive and they love me and my kids. I wish you strength to break free from this incredibly selfish man!
There is no need to feel shame. You were just torn between loyalties, and your family just thought you were too busy to be with your husband and them. I was the same way. I got so isolated and kept thinking I didn\'t deserve to spend the money to see my family. Or I would second-guess them when they kept at arm\'s length.
As soon as I reached out again, they were there waiting for me. Without recrimination - like your grandfather\'s open arms.
Claim your right for you and your kids to have them in your lives again.