I posted this in the forum for thoughts, but wanted to put it down here so I could always remember it. Even at this point, I am still left with gaps in my memory of what happened. I just remember the utter devastation and shock I felt because this incident was beyond anything I had experienced in the past--not in terms of violence or anything, but in terms of the fact that this was the most minor incident that got blown far out of proportion so quickly. I didn't even have time to defend myself, it was literally volcanic over an honestly innocent question--no snide remarks, no meaning behind it, just a curious question. Anyway, here is what I posted:
Okay, this incident actually happened over the summer, but it still sticks with me; after all of the incidents over the years--some that were horribly violent and one that even landed me in the hospital, it is kind of strange that this one relatively minor thing sticks so much in my brain for so long. But there you have it. Anyway, I have been with this man for nearly 18 years (sad but true), lived with him for nearly 14 of those (except for the brief periods I would get away, which never lasted long). In all of that time, he has never once used body wash--always "manly" soap. In fact, at one point I was informed that he was no p**** and would not use body wash. In addition, he is very anal retentive about the shower. In other words, there can be no extra things on the sides of the shower. If there is a razor or shaving cream or shampoo or anything other than his soap, the rest of us have to gather whatever we need before we get in the shower in order to have it. Just a little background.... Anyway, one weekend my nephew stayed with us. When I got home from work that day, I noticed there was a bottle of men's Dial body wash in the shower. I meant to take it out then, but it completely slipped my mind. Surprisingly, he never said anything about it. I forgot about it until 2 days later when I was cleaning the bathroom. I took the body wash at that point and put it under the bathroom sink in the caddy where we keep our bath products. I was a little surprised that I hadn't heard anything about it yet, but figured I would hear it later. Later that night, after he had gone out and whatnot, he asks me why I moved his body wash. I was surprised and said, "Wow, I didn't know that was yours; when did you decide to join us on the other side and use body wash?" I honestly didn't mean anything by it--was simply curious. His reaction is what sticks in my mind the most. He blew up--literally. Like 0-60 in 2.3 seconds blow up. He was screaming at me that I was an f'ing bitch and on and on. He wasn't 2 he could use body wash if he wanted to. He was tired of being treated like this, and so on. He then left the house after telling me that he was done and throwing my ring at me and snatching mine literally off my finger. Of course he wanted to talk when he finally came home (probably about 2 AM) , I can't really remember at this point. He proceeded to explain to me why I was wrong for making such a big deal over the body wash! Seriously?! I tried explaining to him that I wasn't the one who made it a big deal; that to me it was perfectly innocent until he made it a big deal with his actions and words. Of course, we all know what trying to explain something to them is like. Anyway, this incident above all the others has bugged me to no end since it happened. Was this evidence of a guilty conscience I saw? Or was this simply another matter of him wanting to go out and figuring if he picked a huge fight with me over something stupid I wouldn't dare say anything about it? Thoughts?
Okay, this incident actually happened over the summer, but it still sticks with me; after all of the incidents over the years--some that were horribly violent and one that even landed me in the hospital, it is kind of strange that this one relatively minor thing sticks so much in my brain for so long. But there you have it. Anyway, I have been with this man for nearly 18 years (sad but true), lived with him for nearly 14 of those (except for the brief periods I would get away, which never lasted long). In all of that time, he has never once used body wash--always "manly" soap. In fact, at one point I was informed that he was no p**** and would not use body wash. In addition, he is very anal retentive about the shower. In other words, there can be no extra things on the sides of the shower. If there is a razor or shaving cream or shampoo or anything other than his soap, the rest of us have to gather whatever we need before we get in the shower in order to have it. Just a little background.... Anyway, one weekend my nephew stayed with us. When I got home from work that day, I noticed there was a bottle of men's Dial body wash in the shower. I meant to take it out then, but it completely slipped my mind. Surprisingly, he never said anything about it. I forgot about it until 2 days later when I was cleaning the bathroom. I took the body wash at that point and put it under the bathroom sink in the caddy where we keep our bath products. I was a little surprised that I hadn't heard anything about it yet, but figured I would hear it later. Later that night, after he had gone out and whatnot, he asks me why I moved his body wash. I was surprised and said, "Wow, I didn't know that was yours; when did you decide to join us on the other side and use body wash?" I honestly didn't mean anything by it--was simply curious. His reaction is what sticks in my mind the most. He blew up--literally. Like 0-60 in 2.3 seconds blow up. He was screaming at me that I was an f'ing bitch and on and on. He wasn't 2 he could use body wash if he wanted to. He was tired of being treated like this, and so on. He then left the house after telling me that he was done and throwing my ring at me and snatching mine literally off my finger. Of course he wanted to talk when he finally came home (probably about 2 AM) , I can't really remember at this point. He proceeded to explain to me why I was wrong for making such a big deal over the body wash! Seriously?! I tried explaining to him that I wasn't the one who made it a big deal; that to me it was perfectly innocent until he made it a big deal with his actions and words. Of course, we all know what trying to explain something to them is like. Anyway, this incident above all the others has bugged me to no end since it happened. Was this evidence of a guilty conscience I saw? Or was this simply another matter of him wanting to go out and figuring if he picked a huge fight with me over something stupid I wouldn't dare say anything about it? Thoughts?
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