The voice in my mind keeps on with the "ya, but---", a million reasons why working on change just won't work.  ARGHHHH  Change comes when a person sees a goal clearly, and works toward it, or when the present situation sucks enough to work to get away from it.  For years I have been in the later mode.  So what happens when I get far enough away from the pain?  Nothing.   That's the problem.  I stop moving, and it catches up to me eventually.It feels like in the past when I have had a goal, and work my ass off, and get there, the reward is fleeting. I'm still who I am when I get there.  Not much of an incentive.  So what is my goal, what do I want to do/be when I grow up?  Is there a bigger goal, one that rewards along the way, which I am able see progress towards, yet never looses it's shine?Could it be that my conciousness is the product of some defective chemical process within my neurons?  Is effort at all connected with outcomes?  Is there a way to break the cycle of lack of energy and passion which leads to not trying which leads to lack of enery/passion which leads to not trying----'cause I could really use a little euphoria