Hey Dad.... it feels so good to write that every day, almost like your still around...but I know your not, and I'm not living in denial!!!Just checking in and letting you know I am okay today... like our phone calls we used to have...G'day, just rang for a yap with ya....I feel a bit better/different today.I think i can handle all of this a bit better than before....I can see all the sad things, and feel the loss..but something has changed..there has been a shift, now I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt, because it hurts just as much as yesterday....and I'm sad, and miss you so so much...but...today I can see the good things, the happy memories.... I can see your face as it was before, no pain, no fear, no tears, just your happy smiling face...I think I am starting to get my head around this..you are gone, yes, but you are still here for me...I feel your arm around my shoulder, I hear your voice, most of all I can feel your love for me...and that I think is what is making it a bit easier/different.......... who knows, by tonight I might be a basket case again...but for now at least I am feeling...different!!!!!!!! love ya heaps Dad, always and forever your little Margy update..been thinking more...gawd thats dangerous!!!!!I'm not sure what has happened/shifted..but for some reason I can feel you around me now, I couldn't before. Maybe its that I'm accepting Mum's needs as part of my own and am happy for her to lean on me...maybe its really you here helping me through these days that seem so hard to get through....maybe its just me, knowing no matter what I do i can't change anything.....one thing for sure...its still hurts, but now the hurt is edged with your love for me....and that is why today isn't such a bad day!xxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Bless you, you really are coping so well, please send me your secret honey xx
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, dilli, loved your journal. Sounds like another baby step forward. Your dad will always live on in you and in your children, and that is a great thing. Stay strong, dear friend, and don\'t fret about the times you fall down - I know you will get up again and fight on. It is wonderful that you can be there for your Mum, I know how special that is!! Love, hugs and prayers for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I love your journal too. I always find a connection in your feelings with your dad and my own with my dad. Thank you for being you ~You are a perfect friend :)