Hey Dad,  just checking in for one of our talks, you know the ones,  you would just sit and  smaile and I would ramble on.... didn't you ever once think  "I wish she would shut up!!!!????"   you never once didn't listen, i know, I tested you, said dumb things to see if you were really listening, and every time you would know and laugh!!!!! Today its not dumb things, its just me wanting to hear your voice again. I never realized until you were gone that you were in my thoughts every day! It was a natural thing that during the day something would come up and you would come to mind, now it still happens, but my eyes fill with tears, my throat closes over, a choking feeling grabs me, and I have to find a way to get past the moment......only trouble is it happens so often during the day, you really have been my reason for being all these years, You have always accepted me, good, bad and ugly, no matter what, how am I ever supposed to move on from having that pure unconditional  of love in my life???  how do i live my life now? Who will be there in the background cheering me on when I'm down, booting me up the bum when I need it?? Who will tell me it will be ok, ???? Chris is great, and a lot like you....he is always there for me, and loves me.. I know that, but he is not you!!!!!! He wasn't there when I ate bugs, took my first wobbly steps, fell over, walked into a class room for the first time, he didn't tell the teachers to let me write left handed, started my first job, had my first child, that was you! you had already taught me about life, shown me how to laugh, cry, and love.....and you taught me how to live, but you didn't teach me how to live without you!!!!!!! how can i move past this?