and so it begins. The battles of love interests are skyrocketing. I had four dates this week. Origianally had 5 but had to cancel my tuesday due to crappy car parts. 3 of them were first dates. While my Friday was lovable... My saturday lunch and saturday dinner were both excellent... the dinner a lil more than lunch, but still, neck n neck. All this, and I still think about my inmate sweety. Why?! I am so lost and torn and smitten with 3, count em, 3, different men. Who run the gammot. When I hadnt heard from my jailberg, I lashed out. Scheduling five dates in one week, well, thats not me... But I had to get my brain occupied so as not to hear his voice and feel his touch. I had to create a new distraction to wake me in my sleep. I knew it was only healthy to let go. But then there he was. and he got his cell phone back so everytime he is outta the clink to go to work (his WR program) he picks up his phone and calls. and calls again before he goes. And I have been 100% honest. I tell him I have other dates... I tell him If I like them or not... most of them have been nots...  tomorrows call will be hard. I know, it was not meant to be simple. I learned this in the beginning. When I married my STBX, it all happened too easily, it fell into my lap. And now I know, I will have to work for the next one. And I do not really believe that a true soul mate lies in the bunch, but if it did, and I chose wrong. Can I live with it again? Can I possibly handle the stress of another failed relationship? Another set of teary nites and depressed days? I set out to have a good time, when I started dating again. remember the cop? And then my prison pal reminded me not to pass by a good thing.  So I told him what I felt but that a committment wasnt a option for me. But how many people will understand this? my heaed hurts. I am so happy about the prospects but so scared about the possibility of screwing it up based on my past picks.I havent posted a song in a while. I have felt so much clarity for a so long that I didnt need someone else to speak my feelings. But tonite I cant. Nobody loves me, not like my law breaker does... and I hate it, but there it is. Portishead. Sour Times. To pretend no one can findThe fallacies of morning roseForbidden fruit, hidden eyesCurtises that I despise in meTake a ride, take a shot nowCos nobody loves meIts trueNot like you doCovered by the blind beliefThat fantasies of sinful screensBear the facts, assume the dyeEnd the vows no need to lie, enjoyTake a ride, take a shot nowCos nobody loves meIts trueNot like you doWho oo am I, what and whyCos all I have left is my memories of yesterdayOhh these sour timesCos nobody loves meIts trueNot like you doAfter time the bitter tasteOf innocence descent or raceScattered seeds, buried livesMysteries of our disguise revolveCircumstance will decide ....Cos nobody loves meIts trueNot like you doCos nobody loves meIts trueNot like youNobody loves.. meIts trueNot, like, you.. do well circumstance will decide. I just hope I can stay clear. keep my eye on the prize. Take care of me.