LMAO, Timbuktu... I love that you brought that up. I have been obsessed with the news story. I still get sad. I did like cop guy and as friends he seems to be disapating. I havent been attracted to a man that much since I was in high school and I was known as the "infatuation junkie" I would follow this one boy everywhere he went... I was so obsessed with him. And cop guy was within my reach. I cant seem to get over him. I kinda gave him a farewell today. Couldnt help it. Woke up thinkin "I have to do it, for myself" So I told him I was bummed, but to avoid me. Its gonna be hard. My town is small and he is one of two officers on the nite shift, which is when I am out more... walking in my hood. Hangin out. But if it is meant to be it is meant to be. But Hes soooooooo Cuuuuuuuute. Argh. I suppose it is mostly because he doesnt want me. lol. grass is always greener. Chef guy. he isnt too much of a partier. Not to much of anything. No spark, you know, probly a great guy otherwise. I have to remember my main goals. Make friends. Today i had a candle show. I used to be in a band, and this was the bassists neighbor. I ran into bassist. He has a gorgeous daughter now and his current band broke up. Maybe I will forget fantasizing about boys and fantasizing about music again. He told me I should get ads and look for a band. I never talked about that part of my marriage. I was a singer. I loved to sing. My STBX's best friend was this bassist. I was interested in jammin with him and his friends, then all of a sudden my, then, hubby, decided he liked to sing too and took it away. It was a constant source of agitation so I gave up my love for singin and my search for a band. I sung back up for my STBX wiht my brother on drums. It was a heartbreak, but it was so I never started a new fight, I let him take the spotlite. Now? now there is no reason I shouldnt try to live out my teenage dreams. Why not? I almost cant resist. So i told bassist, gotta lose another 20 and dye my hair blue and Ill be good to go. he looked at me and said, "you dont need to do anything. Go for it." Made me giddy... I am in a great mood now.I haev thought about meeting men in church... it sounds... right... to find someone who shares my belief. I am going tomorrow wiht my girlfriend and my soon-to-be-godson to their new church. So happy about that. She was pretty much atheist when I questioned her. Not judged,., just said "if your not religious I just wanna know why..." She coulda been buddhist and I woulda been thrilled. But she said there was nothing to believe in. Then she had her son! And now, well hes being baptized and so is she. And, like I said, I dont care what religion. I just cant imagine raising a child in todays society without the help of a grouping of morals. My pastor would not like that reasoning... but oh well. My hostess served me daquiris. im am happy and buzzed. My song today is just a song I am listening to. I finally found it (lol). I had an '85 monte carlo when I was 19 and it was stolen out of the mall parkin lot where I worked. great car. lost my whole music collection that day tho. Found this on iTunes... trying to replace my music.. Fleming and John]The Pearloh look I found it oh I really found it how could such a thing be happening to me oh please don't drop it I'd die if you lost it you see it means the world to me now everything we've ever wanted lies within our reach patiently anticipating now the world lies at our feetchorus:it could be the pearlit could be our hope our dream our lives it could be the pearl the end of all our pain and strife could be the pearl  run keep on running oh I hear them coming how could they try to take what is ours please run faster oh they're right behind us how much farther can we go it possesses me controls me it makes me run and it makes me kill the very thing that made me strong has taken all my will it could be the pearl... I must take it and throw it in the ocean far far away from me we were happy oh we were so happy when things were the way they used to be it could be the pearl... or it could be a demon in disguise or is it cop guy...lol