a lil bummed today. Cop guy apologized in his own calous way. He said he shouldnt have been so hard on me for my spazziness. well. its something. I dont know why I woke up sad. I just did. Thinkin about him I guess. And reminding myself if it wsa meant to be it would be. I dont know why I let it bother me. I knew from the beginning he wasnt a sould mate. I mean, come on, he doesnt do halloween. It just hurts ure heart when u find out that someone didnt care as much as he said. And it makes me wonder why he was pretending. On a brighter note I talked to chef guy for over an hour last nite. He is a good pal. He is goofy and makes me laugh and he is so good with talking about crappy old relationships. He reminds me of my family. He has already offered to be a support system. I like nice people.Mom came by to watch trick or treaters. I dress like a witch and sit on my porch with booze (inapporopriate I know) but if I open the door the cats become houdinis and try to make themselves invisible. so its easier to sit on the porch. she came in for a drink. just sad. dont have a good reason. feeling a little cheated. And not on anything in particular. just wondring why I have to deal with so much drama. I married for love and that ended... well bad. I treat my family and friends good and it always seems to come down on me. And dating. well that is just a whole sh*tload of drama I am not ready for. But I like knowing I am worth something to someone. I have tragically low self esteem. I hope it improves. I need a good day tomorrow. I love this song. It is from that musical by Bjork. I think its called dancer in the dark. the album is selmasongs. It is kinda morbid in a way. But some days we have that i dont care about nayting feeling. I think thats how I feel now. Maybe its too much sugar. I hope so. I was doing so good.i've seen it allI've seen it all, I have seen the trees,I've seen the willow leaves dancing in the breezeI've seen a friend killed by a friend,And lives that were over before they were spent.I've seen what I was - I know what I'll beI've seen it all - there is no more to see!You haven't seen elephants, kings or Peru!I'm happy to say I had better to doWhat about China? Have you seen the Great Wall?All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall!And the man you will marry?The home you will share?To be honest, I really don't care...You've never been to Niagara Falls?I have seen water, its water, that's all...The Eiffel Tower, the Empire State?My pulse was as high on my very first date!Your grandson's hand as he plays with your hair?To be honest, I really don't care...I've seen it all, I've seen the darkI've seen the brightness in one little spark.I've seen what I chose and I've seen what I need,And that is enough, to want more would be greed.I've seen what I was and I know what I'll beI've seen it all - there is no more to see!You've seen it all and all you have seenYou can always review on your own little screenThe light and the dark, the big and the smallJust keep in mind - you need no more at allYou've seen what you were and know what you'll beYou've seen it all - there is no more to see!
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Well, I could say something dumb like, you have to be worth something to yourself, but you probably know that already. But really, isn\'t that the truth? No one can give you that self-esteem. You have to get it somehow and then, when someone comes into your life, hopefully, they\'ll get it. They\'ll see what a deal they\'re getting. If I had it to over again, I wouldn\'t take anything from anyone. That cop, you dodged a bullet, so to speak. No one should call you spazz or act as though they\'re \"tolerating\" you. Who needs that? I can remember when my husband and I were dating... we were teen-agers, he used to say \"I love you anyway\". It was kind of a running joke. Yuck! I was a stupid kid and thought it was sweet. NO WAY! When y ou find the right guy, and you will, he should worship the ground you walk on. That may be hard for you to accept... it would have been for me...but that\'s the way you should have it. Because you ARE worth A LOT. You\'re a beautiful, young, sweet, funny, hard working woman. You deserve to be treated like a queen. Don\'t accept one little bit less. I have seen women who are homely as anything, depressed, annoying, etc. and their husbands worship them. THAT\'s what you want. Nothing less!!!! Don\'t do a number on yourself. Do what you need to to feel worthwhile. And don\'t find someone until you DO feel worthwhile. Until you feel GREAT. That\'s when you\'ll find the right one. Please, hold yourself up there! You are worthwhile, in so many ways, you just need to discover yourself.