ex found me online last nite. he was feeling very low. He kept apologizing... asking if I had met anyone. I couldn't tell him. He kept asking is I missed him or loved him. I really dont. Is that odd. Can I really turn it off like that? Or did I not love him at all? Or am I so self absorbed that I can't pay any attention to what my true emotions are? Is it possible that I am ignoring it? I just dont think so. My heart is so light, and I dont feel tethered anymore. Normally when my brother would bring up a ski trip I would think... "I can't go... (husband) wouldn't want me to." Yesterday when he brought it up... I just said "hell Yeah!" He looked at me... and told me I've really changed. lol. I think it's fot the better.....This isn't close to what my ex has to say to me. It's quite the contrary. But I hear it and think... someday, he'll understand. And while there was no drinking problem... you can replace that with pretty much any other destructive habit... Blue October 'hate me' (Verse 1)I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my headThey crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bedDropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alonePlaying movies in my head that make a porno feel like homeThere's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brainAn ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my faceAnd will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space(Chorus 1)Hate me today.Hate me tomorrow.Hate me so you can finaly see what's good for you.Hate me in ways. Yeah ways hard to swallow.                                                                 Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.(Verse 2)I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with.The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at nightWhile I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fightYou never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to takeSo I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mindAnd do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind(Chorus)(Verse 3)And with a sad heart I say bye to you and waveKicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have madeAnd like a baby boy I never was a manUntil I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my handAnd then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to beAnd then as she whispers "How can you do this to me?"(Chorus)