I forgot how much I can appreciate the sun's warmth.

Fall has finally struck Chicagoland and you just have no idea how much peace that is giving me. Spring meant my husband was coming home. Summer meant fighting. And fall...

The fancy programmable thermostat I installed last night says it is 74 in here. I have the windows open... My feet are cold... ! I love that my feet are cold! I walked into the kitchen and the sun setting thru my kitchen windows wamed the tile... It felt so good on my feet. I havent appreciated the sun in so long. The summer has been hot and sticky and shade was refuge. Spring. I dont even remember spring. I dont remember when the cold stopped and the warm began which is terrible because no matter how low I have been in the spring I always remember that first drive when it is warm with the windows down and the sunroof open. I remember the year I turned 19 I was going bowling on a wednesday morning and I was listening to the Lemonheads cover of "Mrs Robinson" ha.

I remember my spring thaws, This one I dont. It makes me sad. But I think this is the last one I will forget...

I opened a new bank account today. It went so well! The lady was so nice to me. And if you have been reading my journals you know I dont do well with people. She, of course, asked me why I was changing banks. When I told her she turned into the best therapist I have ever had. She told me to call if I needed anything. Beyond banking even. I almost cried to her... as I sat... and again as I walked out. It felt so right. I havent felt right about anything except chocolate.

The last hour of my day was spent vaccuuming glass out of my neighbors lawn. That is bitchin. No... really... more fun that you can ever imagine.

I also found, at sams club, CFL's (ya know those wacky flourescent energy saving light bulbs) in the shape of flood lites... (im an electrician I have recessed lites all over my house) that dim. Can you believe they dim!!! How the hell did they do that???? OK. So I am a freak. But I know that my dad will appreciate that. I cant wait to install them and see how they work. I nearly lost my mind. see how boring I can be... ;)

I have been thinkin long and hard about what song suits me today. I have cried a few times today. I knew I would. But I felt great at a few times today. SO I have actually been saving this one. Just a good song. I love to sing it out. At stoplites. With the windows down. It sos good. And I think, it's true?!

Indigo Girls, Closer to fine

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.

We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
 

Yeah. That pretty much descibes me. Oh and I didnt tell you about the birthday card I got for my brother. It has to do with a martini. LOL. I think I am learning a lot about me here. I love that!