So low... worried about money... apologetic for the crap I have caused here... Just low.I havent gone more than a week without a drink and I believe it shall get worse. Last dinner out with his close friends... Brothers birthday party... I hate that we are going about all these things as if nothing has happened... acting like a couple. Its so dumb. everyone knows. Its just crap. Makes me feel like crap. Last nite I think he heard me mutter under my breath "I wish you were just gone already". I dont want to hurt him. In some sick way he is still my best friend. He is the only one who ever really knew me. My own mother doesnt know me like he does. But he is driving me up a wall and I just want to get on with it already. I am looking forward to purging the house of him. I think I will make a drunken Gilmore Girls nite of it. Anyone seeing apattern? It is what I did almost every nite that he was in Charlotte. Lit a fire, poured a drink and watched reruns. But I have slews of picture frames with him and I in them. He hasnt packed any. Not that i thought he would. But it woulda been nice. My mind is a mess. I cant focus on anything for a minute. One second I think about how in the heck am I going to make ends meet. In another it is buying more firewood. The thoughts are very random and nothing is really as important as the things I have to do right now. Call Lawyer, Open Bank account, eat lunch. I bet I do none of these today... Ah well. I should make a list. So today is definatly a Gnarls Barkley day. That "crazy" song is my least favorite on the album besides their Femmes cover. I appreciate the appreciation but thats it... But the rest of the album is truly phenominal. Its got fun its got relaxation and its got thought. I can plug this is into any part of my life. But this one really describes my sitch.  At least for the moment...Who Cares lyricsBasically I'm complicatedI have a hard time taking the easy wayI wouldn't call it schizophreniaBut I'll be at least 2 people todayIf that's okayAnd I can go on and on and on... but who cares?It's deep how you can be so shallowAnd I'm afraid cause I have no fearAnd I didn't believe in magicUntil I watched you disappearI wish you where hereAnd I can go on and on and on... but who cares?You see, everybody is somebodyBut nobody wants to be themselvesand If I ever wanted to understand meI'll have to talk to someone elseCause every little bit helpsAnd I can go on and on and on... but who cares?Feels like... the surreal lifeBut it's still niceWish I could live twicebut I still mightif these bones heal rightI see a little lightthough it's still nightAnd I can go on and on and on... but who cares?i could go on and on and on and on. But in the end even I dont care. At least not for now. Just try to get thru the next few days.