I have to admit I have been skulking around the site a few days now. I have decided today is the day. Your stories have touched me. And for the moment, I don't feel soo alone.So a little backround... I have been married for 5 years. I was so young when I wed that most of my friends, all but one, left me. The last thing my maid of honor said to me when I called her after my honeymoon, was "lemme call ya right back." She never did. She changed her number. I have tried making friends with my husbands friends wives. That doesnt go well. One of them convinced me my husband was cheating on me. I don't think he ever did. I overheard some of his work-friends wives in a bathroom at a wedding, badmouthing me. One good friend has come of it. But she just had a baby and things have become distant. Marriage sucks. that is a whole other problem. I am trying to decide if I should divorce him or not. He moved to North Carolina in November of 2006, to try to get a different job. He left me here after 4 1/2 years of tumultuous marriage. We have been separated before. He told me this wasnt the end, just something he had to try to do for US. I found out while he was there that he has bankrupted us. I never knew. I told him it was over. Too much bad... no trust... cant do it. He said no. He deserves one more try. He moved back in the end of July. So far... I think I still want the divorce. I will update that. The real reason I am here is because I feel so alone in this world. I have tried to make friends. With people everywhere. In my own neighborhood two women go back and forth pretending to be friends with me then they stop talking to me. Ignore me.Another neighbor said she couldn't understand why they would do these things to me. After a few months of nice chit-chat and supporting each other...(buying girl scout cookies, etc) she abruptly stopped talking to me. I saw her on the sidewalk yesterday. Her husband said Hi, as did her daughter. She yelled at her dog for jumping on me and walked past. This is the way I am treated everywhere. Cashiers, Post office people, I try to smile and talk to them... but I always feel cold. Now I feel as if I have noone to talk to. Sometimes when I am at work (new housing neighborhoods) and I see a woman sitting on her patio or doing yardwork, I fantasize that I walk up to her and tell her I just need a pal and we become best friends. This is so dumb. I know. I just wish I was a likable person. I don't know what it is that makes me sucky. I am not a bad person. I am usually just polite. Not too much in anyones business... not too quiet that I seem like a snob. I take everything personally. Even when people tailgate me in the car. I feel like it is because I am such a loser. Im am so dumb.