I'm feeling ok today. The holiday is past. Pastor asked how my Easter was, I blurted out that it was awful. Shouldn't have done that, but it was true. I didn't say it  loud or nasty, but he looked like I slapped him. Then I told him why. My children were elsewhere and I missed cooking a meal for everyone. Holidays never were a big deal for me, but at least I made a special meal to commemorate them. This year, there was no reason to. Really got to me. Year two is getting to me. Guess people in general think I should be feeling better. A lady I know who is also going through year two said no one understands until it happens to them. Boy is she right. I'll have to watch what I say from now on.
For a long time I didn't feel anything, just plastered a smile on my face and I was good to go. I was starting to worry about that. Now that feeling is coming back, I find I can cry again. Last June was the only other time I cried, I was all broken up over trimming the hedges. Not because I wasn't the one who always trimmed the hedges, it was that no one was there to see them trimmed but me. Back then, I thought that was a horrible thing. Then I realized I didn't ever need anyone to see the hedges trimmed before, I honestly doubt he cared if they were trimmed or not, that's how he was. I already let them grow into trees and that was fine with him. So this year, it's not having stupid ham and sweet potato casserole that sent me over the edge. Wonder what it will be next year?
Finally went out for a walk around my usual daily route. Took me a year to do that. I am quite pleased about it too. I decided to believe that taking that walk would be one step into a new journey. Sappy yeah, but it's a nice thought anyway.