I miss you.

I miss you, yet, I never gave birth to you. You are the child I couldn't have. You are the person in this world who was supposed to look like me, laugh like me, love me unconditionally. You are the child I was supposed to teach about life, love, heart break, happiness, etc. I should have watched you grow and become a wonderful presence in my life.  You should have held my hand when I lost my husband. You exist in my dreams... I guess losing Don makes me think of why I'm still here. My residents love me but they don't need me. A woman needs to be needed. There, I said it. It's out of the recesses of my pain. So many thoughts swirling around my heart waiting to be dealt with one by one. It's amazing how many things you lose along with your spouse. I think that having these thoughts is part of the healing process, but it takes a long time to get through it... A drop in a bucket.