4 DAYS AND I'VE HEARD NOTHING FROM HIM THEN I GO AN AMYS MEMORIAL SITE AND HE HAS THE CHEEK TO HAVE LEFT A MESSAGE TELLING AMY HE'S LOOKING AFTER ME AND THE KIDSHOW DARE HE?why is he doing this to me?
Because he\'s just as messed and he\'s grieving and he\'s lost. Just like you, me and everyone else who\'s lost a child. Its hard to understand why others do what they do, especially when we figure they should do what we want and think they should do or act. I don\'t think he\'s doing it to you,intentionaly even tho its you who\'s paying for his actions, I think he\'s just caught up in his own grief and doesn\'t know how to handle it so he\'s running. I know that doesn\'t seem right but alot of people react this way and i know your hurting and your angry but just try to understand what he\'s going thru aswell as the rest of you and that he needs to deal with this on his own, he can\'t feel for your grief because he\'s lost the ability to feel for others at the moment, he\'s lost that part of his soul. I sure can relate to that. I was the same way when 9/11 happened, it was so soon after Tara passed that i felt nothing for all those people. I couldn\'t feel thier pain cause mine was so raw. I know thats terrible but thats what happened. Death in the family (especially a young person) can do one of two things. It will either bring you closer to one another or tear you apart. Tara\'s passing almost tore my and son and me apart, cause i was so caught up in my own world that i forgot he was there still and hurting just as much but i couldn\'t help him because i didn\'t know how to help myself so in a way i shut him out. I was lucky tho, I caught mysel, actualy it was a friend of mine who reminded me that Tara wasn\'t the only person in my life when she was alive so why was she now that she\'s gone. It was like a slap in the face but it was one i needed to get my self back together and realise that they were right.I love my daughter but she\'s gone and there\'s nothing i can do about it, but other\'s are still here and their falling apart and needed me to be the strong one. They needed me to be the mom and reassure them that everything would be okay, that we would make it thru this, that we are still a family. Its hard to do when your soul has lost a part of itself but i did it, why cause i\'m mom and thats my job. I grieve every moment of the day from the time i get up until i go back to sleep but i don\'t let it take control like it was, I control it, you can too. How do I know cause your a MOM too, and thats your job.
I can see why you would be upset about the message he left on the memorial page. If I were in your shoes, I would be upset too. We all grieve differently and we may not understand other people\'s way of coping, but when there is such a difference in the way 2 people in the same household grieve it\'s got to be hard to deal with. I\'m sorry you\'re going through such a difficult time. With the loss of Amy and the holidays upon us, this added burden must be tearing you apart. Holding you tight in spirit, my friend. Adrianne
Replies
Because he\'s just as messed and he\'s grieving and he\'s lost. Just like you, me and everyone else who\'s lost a child. Its hard to understand why others do what they do, especially when we figure they should do what we want and think they should do or act. I don\'t think he\'s doing it to you,intentionaly even tho its you who\'s paying for his actions, I think he\'s just caught up in his own grief and doesn\'t know how to handle it so he\'s running. I know that doesn\'t seem right but alot of people react this way and i know your hurting and your angry but just try to understand what he\'s going thru aswell as the rest of you and that he needs to deal with this on his own, he can\'t feel for your grief because he\'s lost the ability to feel for others at the moment, he\'s lost that part of his soul. I sure can relate to that. I was the same way when 9/11 happened, it was so soon after Tara passed that i felt nothing for all those people. I couldn\'t feel thier pain cause mine was so raw. I know thats terrible but thats what happened. Death in the family (especially a young person) can do one of two things. It will either bring you closer to one another or tear you apart. Tara\'s passing almost tore my and son and me apart, cause i was so caught up in my own world that i forgot he was there still and hurting just as much but i couldn\'t help him because i didn\'t know how to help myself so in a way i shut him out. I was lucky tho, I caught mysel, actualy it was a friend of mine who reminded me that Tara wasn\'t the only person in my life when she was alive so why was she now that she\'s gone. It was like a slap in the face but it was one i needed to get my self back together and realise that they were right.I love my daughter but she\'s gone and there\'s nothing i can do about it, but other\'s are still here and their falling apart and needed me to be the strong one. They needed me to be the mom and reassure them that everything would be okay, that we would make it thru this, that we are still a family. Its hard to do when your soul has lost a part of itself but i did it, why cause i\'m mom and thats my job. I grieve every moment of the day from the time i get up until i go back to sleep but i don\'t let it take control like it was, I control it, you can too. How do I know cause your a MOM too, and thats your job.
I can see why you would be upset about the message he left on the memorial page. If I were in your shoes, I would be upset too. We all grieve differently and we may not understand other people\'s way of coping, but when there is such a difference in the way 2 people in the same household grieve it\'s got to be hard to deal with. I\'m sorry you\'re going through such a difficult time. With the loss of Amy and the holidays upon us, this added burden must be tearing you apart. Holding you tight in spirit, my friend. Adrianne