25 Aug

Well its 1300 (1 pm) and made it through the morning with minor issue.  Was very busy and did not have time to stop or think.  This afternoon is a different story.  It is slow and emptiness and loneliness has creeped back in.  On the out side people think its just another day,  if they only knew the tourmoil i am going through. Last night the wife took my son who turned 22 out to eat, I was not in the being around people mood,  so I stayed home.  She said they brought me a steak back by I dont remember that part but I saw the bag by the trash can.  It is getting were I dont remember what I did earlier that day.  Am I losing my mind.  Short term is almost all gone, and I only have fragments from my childhood.  I dont know how long I keep putting up this false image.
 Depression is a strange thing by its self, but to add anxiety and PTSD with it.  Dark rooms seem to be the safe place right now.
Wanting to be able to explain how I feel but am to embarrassed to espress it.  I know Bobbie is doing everything she can and is giving me room to try and figure/understand what is going on.  I feel she could of done alot better than me.  I am so lucky to have her.
This day is coming to an end....second day I spent in ID Cards.  I am off tomorrow, lord only knows what I will have to answer for when I get back.