Just another day...

Feels like yesterday, and the day before, everyday, why? I know the reason, just can't change the situation yet. Kids still need me, I think. Don't want to give up on them. One off to college, 2 to go. Another 8 long years and I can leave her. I almost feel bad for wanting her to die before that time, almost. I can't help but to look at other women and think that I would be happy with them, but what if I can't love anymore? She hurt me so many times I finally shut down my emotions. I am sensitive I enjoy being in love, but I can't do it anymore with her. Sex isn't the same without love. With her or others. Nothing feels right, numb and sad all at the same time. UGGGG! Just want to........breathe, breathe...calm. I will fall in love with a better person, in turn I will be a better person. I can't wait to meet you and to love you!