Right now, I don't know how to exactly feel. I'm in between horrible and just alright.
I drove around for alittle while and then I just started to cry and SCREAM!! I started to feel like I didn't wanna be around here anymore. I felt like life is just one big bore and that no one understands me!! Same ol' same ol' everyday! I tried to make friends at school, but I don't feel like their interesting to me! Plus if I talk to my mom about my vulnerabilities, she doesn't act like she really cares.
Actually, I really don't have anyone (family or friends) that don't really care except one and she's all the way across the states. Plus, I don't want to call her up and constantly tell her about my loneliness and depression. I don't want her to feel like I'm a burden or something!
I don't know exactly why I feel this way. I think cuz I'm not use to being single. Actually, I don't think I ever really was. I've had a boyfriend since I was 13 and now I've almost been single for a year. It's funny, but I think that that's one of the reasons why I get roller-coaster panic attacks cuz they started when I really had no lover or partner.
I never really had a chance to know what it feels like to be who I am. Sometimes I think I don't know who I am since I've had boyfriend after boyfriend for 15 years! I've never had the experience of being a teenager and not having a boyfriend. Now that I'm single and 29, this is all new to me and it hurts! I don't know...are these withdrawal symptoms or something?
I read in self-help book that when someone is so used to being with a lover one after another, that it's because they are scared to be alone...and that it can be a dangerous thing!! And I am scared of being alone and I actually hate it!! I get so depressed I can barely function. Sometimes maybe I should be in a mental hospital because I feel like I can't fully function in this world! Whenever I force myself to do homework, it seems like my depression gets stronger!! Gosh, I don't know. I cried so much today that I'm soo exhausted!
I wish I fully knew what was wrong with me.
I drove around for alittle while and then I just started to cry and SCREAM!! I started to feel like I didn't wanna be around here anymore. I felt like life is just one big bore and that no one understands me!! Same ol' same ol' everyday! I tried to make friends at school, but I don't feel like their interesting to me! Plus if I talk to my mom about my vulnerabilities, she doesn't act like she really cares.
Actually, I really don't have anyone (family or friends) that don't really care except one and she's all the way across the states. Plus, I don't want to call her up and constantly tell her about my loneliness and depression. I don't want her to feel like I'm a burden or something!
I don't know exactly why I feel this way. I think cuz I'm not use to being single. Actually, I don't think I ever really was. I've had a boyfriend since I was 13 and now I've almost been single for a year. It's funny, but I think that that's one of the reasons why I get roller-coaster panic attacks cuz they started when I really had no lover or partner.
I never really had a chance to know what it feels like to be who I am. Sometimes I think I don't know who I am since I've had boyfriend after boyfriend for 15 years! I've never had the experience of being a teenager and not having a boyfriend. Now that I'm single and 29, this is all new to me and it hurts! I don't know...are these withdrawal symptoms or something?
I read in self-help book that when someone is so used to being with a lover one after another, that it's because they are scared to be alone...and that it can be a dangerous thing!! And I am scared of being alone and I actually hate it!! I get so depressed I can barely function. Sometimes maybe I should be in a mental hospital because I feel like I can't fully function in this world! Whenever I force myself to do homework, it seems like my depression gets stronger!! Gosh, I don't know. I cried so much today that I'm soo exhausted!
I wish I fully knew what was wrong with me.
Replies
hang in there hun. this will get better. sorry i haven\'t been around lately, been distant and depressed myself. I can relate to how you feel. Being alone can be very hard to deal with. And it is even worse when you feel like you are alone. While I can not be there in person, though I wish i could, I am always here for you as a friend on DS. YOu are a great person, don\'t ever forget that:) take care!!