Tired

I am so very tired of trying to keep my life in order.  I have prayed and asked God to please help me but when I get a message from him/her I chalk it up to my imagination.
 
Why do we always have to hit rock bottom before we want to get well?
 
I feel like life isn't worth living unless you are free to do as you please.  I am being selfish I know but can't control it.