Feeling blue

Still fighting the blues.  Have every reason in the world to be happy but I can't seem to grasp it.  I really feel bad for my mate.  I know what it's like to be around someone who is always depressed.
I am sooooo tired of this whole mental illness!  Why me?  If only I could make the doctor understand how awful this feeling is. 
Need help...prayer isn't working, meds ...can't get any that help.....ECT.....tried that.......Alcohol....tried that.............nothing helps.
 
If I ever get better.....I am going to fight for the mentally ill.  No one should have to live this way.