4/28- I feel so depressed and want to smoke weed to numb these feelings. However, I'm trying to get sober again. I want to be sober in honor of Key's memory even though she smoked. I don't find pleasure in it anymore. I actually am starting to hate it or myself I'm not sure. I've been reaching out to ppl on my meeting sites and I ask Jychelle to take a walk with me but all have come up busted.
I'm scared I might do something stupid so I don't want to go by myself. I miss Kealy so bad. I feel like it is that day all over again. My heart being ripped out. plus her 1 yr angelversary is coming up. I think that is why I'm getting more depressed.
On a positive note though, I lost weight and I watching how much I eat now.
I'm scared I might do something stupid so I don't want to go by myself. I miss Kealy so bad. I feel like it is that day all over again. My heart being ripped out. plus her 1 yr angelversary is coming up. I think that is why I'm getting more depressed.
On a positive note though, I lost weight and I watching how much I eat now.
Replies
Oh dear. I am so sorry. Angelversaries are so hard. I am glad you want company when you go out. I would love to go walking with you if I could!
It sounds like you need helpl If you are feeling like you want to harm yourself, I encourage you to go see your doctor or even go to emergency.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love and hugs to you and Kealy.
Marlene
The first angelversary is so difficult, it lends an ear to permanency. It was very hard, I do remember as it is etched in my mind. I agree with Marlene, if you feel like you are going to hurt yourself, please seek help! Our lives are a day to day struggle and sometimes a breath to breath struggle. Please take care of yourself the best you can!!!
Yes, the anticipation of the Day is hardest. When the day comes you do live through it. Harming oneself is out of the question. Time to speak with a grief therapist, or other. I\'ve had a lot of psychological support these five years and don\'t feel so much at risk, anymore. Do reach out for help. Many org. have sliding scales. I have medicare and don\'t have to pay, thank G-d.
Our lives are where our children\'s memories live. We encapsulate the qualitites we loved so much in them. I do miss my Jacob\'s singing. He had a beautiful bass voice. I couldn\'t bear to hear it even if I\'d taped him. Too much loss. Still hurts. One foot in front of the other, dear soth. Love, Abby