Letting go
I'm finally coming to terms with the indisputable fact that I am in fact gay.
I've fought my urges for decades, but I just can't run any more.
I recently found a bloke to love for seven weeks. It was wonderful. If he comes back to me that will be great. God only knows what will happen.
I have been trying so hard to be the best person I can be, following what I believe God wants me to do in my life.
The loneliness I am feeling seems inescapable, with nobody to talk to who could possibly understand the pain of finding love - then having it ripped away. They might as well have ripped my left arm from my body than to leave me without love.
I pray that God will help me.
I've fought my urges for decades, but I just can't run any more.
I recently found a bloke to love for seven weeks. It was wonderful. If he comes back to me that will be great. God only knows what will happen.
I have been trying so hard to be the best person I can be, following what I believe God wants me to do in my life.
The loneliness I am feeling seems inescapable, with nobody to talk to who could possibly understand the pain of finding love - then having it ripped away. They might as well have ripped my left arm from my body than to leave me without love.
I pray that God will help me.
Replies
I haven\'t been doing overly well this week.
My ex of 13 years is in a Brisbane Private Hospital after having dicey spinal surgery. He is doing quite well, and is walking unaided again. His parents, brother and I are now on good terms after the situation been quite hostile after I left Andrew on new years day 2010. Reason: not relevant at this time.
This week has been very difficult because I am still getting over the ending of a 7 week relationship with the man of my life. After searching 20 years I thought I had finally found \"the one\".
Because I have been so badly hurt - usually by family members - over the years I do not trust easily - and rarely at all.
Well, after living with Glenn for seven weeks, I finally let go and let myself all deeply in love with him.
Four days later I would out on my arse, the locks changed with instructions from his sister never to come back again or the police would be called.
I did get my stuff back though. To make things worse, our \"friend\" posted an horrendously personal attack on facebook in public about my mental health issues etc.
Suddenly I am no longer loved, I have nowhere to live, my \'friends\' betrayed me and I\'m all alone... except my ex who was the only person who offered any form of emotional support by at least talking to me.
But my faith in God, and my ability to think clearly when one of my other \'alters\' comes online (I have multiple personality disorder) - so the part of me that can best deal with the situation comes to the surface and deals with it.
I got an excellent unit to live in. Just brilliant.
I met a big guy over Silver Daddies online group and he came around.
I felt sorry for him and offered to help him out.
I forgot my Mum\'s main guideline: NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE BECAUSE YOU FEEL SORRY FOR THEM!
You will inevitably end up feeling sorry for yourself.... and I do.
Funny how dogs sometimes bite the hands that feed them, huh? Nuff said.
I came home just before feeling very alone, depressed, wanting to give up when I saw the post on the Daily Strength Message Board.
I jumped on, read the question and \"we\" answered it in our usual style:
Humour
Irreverence
Facts
Support
Love
I love all of you so very much. You all mean the world to me. I cooked myself a very nice dinner and enjoyed \"dining with you\". You guys might have actually saved my life tonight. Thank you.
David
All the from Queensland Australia