“...perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.” -Rainer Maria RilkeFriday:I got an 80% on my test with two modules to go before finals. I am a little disappointed in myself however I seem to be handling true/false questions better. They seem to be my kryptonite. I think my damn professor knows this so he goes out of his way to put 8 of them on my test. ::does her best impression of her professor:: “muhahahahhaha Rea was on a streak getting those A’s…well that wont happen! Eight true or false questions…8 guaranteed wrong! Muhahahhahahha” lol Eh, the 80% could have been worse…it could have been an F. I am just hoping to bring my average up a little more so if I screw up on my finals I still pass. Saturday:Around 7am on Saturday morning Husband said he caught me sleep walking. He said, “Honey what are you doing up its 7 in the morning!” and he said I mumbled, “its 11 in the morning” and he said “No its 7” and he said I looked utterly confused before I turned and headed back to bed. He of course followed to be sure I was ok. When I finally did wake up Husband insisted he take me to lunch and do a little shopping to pick up miscellaneous stuff for the house. When I woke up I felt anxious and nervous. I stumbed around the house then locked myself in my room to listen to some music hoping that would calm me down. Finding that didn’t I finally got dressed, put on some war paint (make up) and headed out. I told Husband from the get go I was nervous and anxious. We went to lunch first which I started to have a panic attack. I tried everything in my power to calm myself. Finally Husband looked over his menu and said, “If we need to leave its ok…no fights…I understand.” I considered that option for a split second and said, “No…I have to work through this and I will…I want to be here so I will be here…” He nodded and then suddenly he was doing everything in his power to distract me from pointing out things on the menu to talking about off the wall stuff. At first I was like “I know what you are up to and it isn’t going to work.” However, I corrected my thinking and just went with it. I was able to get through lunch with his help. When we left and were walking to the car I took it as one small victory in the battle instead of one big failure for even getting nervous. I thanked him for assisting me through it. It would seem we are becoming a team instead of each others enemy. Sunday:Husband and our friend Kris are going to the movies today off the free passes we got when I had to leave the movie theatre in lieu of a panic attack back in July. I wish I could go but that is something I cannot do right now sadly. I hope they have fun. With Husband out of the house (he is a HS teacher so he is on the two week break thing) I plan on getting some studying done, straightening the house, and working in my panic attack / anxiety work book some more. Husband and I yesterday came to a final decision about the online part of my business. I will call tomorrow and shut down everything regarding it. As stated before I need time to focus on myself, my studies, etc. Also, it will give me time to save money that by October or so I can start the website back up complete with advertising and someone to tweak the technicalities. It will come back better then ever! I am trying to see this as a positive. I still have my business locally and I will still take orders locally however I just won’t have the online website. It will be nice to have the break. I am going to order my work out DVDs and weights. No this isn’t a new years resolution. I hate new years resolutions. I call them lies we just tell ourselves. It just so happens I am taking an active role in my health and plotting to lose weight. I figured the exercise will do me good and would do my condition some good. I have already altered my eating habits a lot and I am working out through not as disciplined as I would like it to be.  I figured the DVDs and weights will make me work out for an hour everyday because I will be so determined to finish the work out session that I wont quick. In essence I will be held accountable to finish the hour each day. YAY! I hope everyone is well! Do be gentle to yourself! ~Bright Blessings~Rea 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I\'m glad you made it throught that test. Sorry your was poking fun at it. That\'s wondeful you were able to go out to lunch and made it through. I\'m glad your hubby is helping and not fighting about it. Sorry you can\'t make it to the movies with him. I\'m glad you will have more time for yourself despite giving up the online business for now. You deserve the break. The exercising will make you feel so much better. It will be hard at first but they always say you will feel better in the long run. I\'m not a big fan of it..haha. So my hats off to you for doing it! Much love & ((big hugs))
deleted_user
deleted_user

i love your quote and love this one too, \"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly.\"
I am also BP and hope you add me.