"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." -Kahlil Gibran It took everything I had to drag myself out of bed. I can feel myself shutting down. I am sleepy to the point I am dizzy despite the fact I have slept a good 9 hours. I am nauseous and shaking not to mention I am on the verge of tears. Husband and I got into a VERY bad fight last night over something so simple it was stupid. I asked him a simple question and he just went off on me. He was yelling so loud his voice was booming off the walls. When I told him please stop yelling at me he only got louder. I told him I am going to my comp room until he can calm down and talk to me like a human being. Of course he was yelling over top of me the same things over and over. He of course followed me and by then the dogs were all riled up. He threw something at me- I still don’t know what which prompted our biggest dog Draco to hop up and bite my arm thinking it was play time or something. It seems the fracture between us is growing day and by day. I don’t know how to stop it.He finally stomped away to calm down and when calm he came back for another round he had his wits about him. We came to “common ground” with him encouraging me to go to my grandmas in Ohio for a couple of weeks. I told him I would think about it. The problem with that is I don’t like traveling very far from home let alone another state. If I was “normal” it wouldn’t be an issue. Yet again him not understanding what I am going through. I know he is angry. I know he is very upset and frustrated. I know when he looks at me he sees a shadow of who I once was. He told me he thinks that its his fault I am this way. He said he has “ruined” me some how. We all know it’s not him it’s me. No matter how many times I tell him that he doesn’t believe it. Sadly in all of this we have made each other our enemy. I pointed that out and he agreed. When I awoke today he pretended like nothing happened. He was all smiles and excited for Christmas. I can’t help but feel like I am a stranger to him. I feel so alone, lost, broken. Every time I go to form a plan to crawl out of the hole I fell in it all seems too much. I am so overwhelmed. I never asked for much from anyone. Just love me broken pieces, flaws and all. I have noticed with those in my life if I am not perfect I will not be loved. So I got rid of those people who couldn’t love me for me…but now its happening again. I ruin everything don’t I?My world is falling a part and I don’t know how to stop it. ~Bright Blessings~Rea