I found out for sure last night that my H is cheating on me with my best friend. I knew it for a few month, I just had this feeling that something wasnt right between the 2 of them. But anytime I would say someting to them they denied it and I would belive them. Last night however I saw all the text messages that she wrote to him online they were so explicit that he could not denie it any longer. He didnt say a lot, I think he was glad I found out so he didnt have to tell me. He told me he loved me and that they had talked about moving in together. I told him if that is what he wanted then he should do that and all the while I wanted to beg him to stay. But I didnt, I let him go. So all day I have been waiting for a call or for him to tell me he wanted to explain or anything..... but nothing. So I spent the entire day crying, thinking of the 2 of them together making love laughing about me and how stupid I am. I keep on thinking of the way he smells and how good he looks in his blue Jeans and the little spot on his leg ...I cant stop, I miss him I love him so much. I want to hate him but I cant.I want to call him but he doesnt have a phone so I have to call her... how sad is that ? So I wont call and I wont talk to him and I will sit here and cry and think of all the thing s I will miss about him instead of how much he hurt me and all the times he made me feel bad for something he did.
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hi. i know what you are going thru. i too am having all those same feelings. my partner slept with a prostitute in our family home. i go from hating him and wanting nothing to do with him, to feeling sorry for him and wanting to help him. and mostly i just want to hold him and have him tell me it was all a mistake, and i really am the one he wants to be with. and that everything will be ok. he is getting help now which eases my pain slightly, because i know he truly is a nice guy. he got to a point in his life where he didnt know who he was anymore and he was self destructing. such a pity he had to destroy my life and that of our childrens before he asked for help. all the \'sorrys\' and \"its not your fault\"s in the world are never gonna take away the hurt and pain tho. im concidering councilling for myself now, i am having trouble dealing with my feelings. i think the worst for me has been the lies. denying he spent the money on the credit card to pay for hookers, then leaving a receipt and condom wrappers where i could find them. i mean, how humiliating. then he still denied it. i mean, what kind of a fool are you playing me for. i loved you, still love you, for 7 years of my life. we had a family together. i gave you my all. and this is the way you treat me.
oops i got way of track there, lol tellin ya all about my story. seems once i start a whole lot of feelings just pour out of me.
you probably find the same thing. talking about it and writing it down almost puts things into perspective. you feel good about yourself for a brief period, then a memory or smell or whatever will slap you right in the face.
being at this site, reading other\'s stories so similar to mine has been helping me a heap.ya just gotta learn to not blame yourself and put yourself first. take each day as it comes and try to distant yourself from them for as long as you can.