Happy
I can say for the first time in ages I actually feel happy today. I had a lovely time at the stables today. Was with a white pony called Tess. She was beautiful. I groomed her, lifter her legs and clean her hooves, walked her and next week (providing i'm still in this hospital) they've said I can ride her :)
I'm feeling so good at the moment. But at the same time, I'm feeling extremely anxious. I think it's because I know things are starting to move on and I guess I'm a little scared of it all. It's making me quite emotional even though I feel happy... don't know if that makes any sense to anyone. My therapist has said before that with a lot of emotions, fear is the root cause. Tomorrow I'm probably going to be taken off my one to one obs for the first time in 6 weeks. I'm also worried about falling into that BPD trap of 'abandonment issues'. I don't want to start to think I feel things that arn't really there, just because I don't want to be left alone. It is really scary but I've got to do it, I can't have someone hold my hand the rest of my life.
My eating is going very well too although it's been hard to adjust to being a higher weight but I'm now within a healthy weight range (so at least they can't go on at me about that anymore) I wouldn't say all my eating problems have gone away by any means, but I am trying to deal with the feelings instead of restricting again.
So yeah, that's about it for now. Not sure what else to say. Oh, except there's another patient here that's really cute ^_^ but that's another story.
x-Bliss-x
I'm feeling so good at the moment. But at the same time, I'm feeling extremely anxious. I think it's because I know things are starting to move on and I guess I'm a little scared of it all. It's making me quite emotional even though I feel happy... don't know if that makes any sense to anyone. My therapist has said before that with a lot of emotions, fear is the root cause. Tomorrow I'm probably going to be taken off my one to one obs for the first time in 6 weeks. I'm also worried about falling into that BPD trap of 'abandonment issues'. I don't want to start to think I feel things that arn't really there, just because I don't want to be left alone. It is really scary but I've got to do it, I can't have someone hold my hand the rest of my life.
My eating is going very well too although it's been hard to adjust to being a higher weight but I'm now within a healthy weight range (so at least they can't go on at me about that anymore) I wouldn't say all my eating problems have gone away by any means, but I am trying to deal with the feelings instead of restricting again.
So yeah, that's about it for now. Not sure what else to say. Oh, except there's another patient here that's really cute ^_^ but that's another story.
x-Bliss-x
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