I'm out of hospital now (General) and been put on loads of medication which in turn has made me put on LOADS of weight. At first I was so depressed that I just didn't care, but now i've been discharged and I'm left to cope with the damage that's been done. I HATE it so much and I just want to go back to restricting like crazy. Being on so much medication means that unless I eat quite a lot, I feel sick. So this is Day 1 of my disgusting body's crash diet. I can't take it. I'm not taking my meds i'll just have to resort to hiding them so that I can get away with eating as little as possible. I fucking hate this life of restriction/weights/calories/exercise but I don't feel it's my choice. My head is totally running away with itself this time and is determined to cheat, lie and use every trick in the book to lose this weight.I don't think there's anything anyone can say that is going to help me not do this. But the tiny well side of me that's left knows what i'm about to do is bad so I guess I'm just reaching out to you guys. Please don't be angry with me for going back to anorexia but how many therapists have said "well put on the weight and if your still unhappy you know how to lose it again"... I've tried it...I'm at a 'healthy' weight... I HATE it... my choice....no....anorexia's choice.x-Bliss-x
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