Today was just another reminder of just how fucked up my head still is, despite me being able to be completely normal around everyone at day patients today and once again....my Mum.I told my key worker what happened at the weekened and he asked if I went to the emergancy departement. After I said I hadn't (because I was too scared of being admitted) he suggested/argued/comprimised with me to get me to go. (I'd had quite bad stomach cramps after eating at lunch)It's ended up with me having tests done. Blood, urine tests, blood pressure, pulse... bloods was the last thing to come back....... All clear ....I was.... ok, of sorts, didn't really say much and me and my Mum went home (she went with me). We got in about...20 minutes ago? About 10 minutes ago Mum left to go to her friend's for coffee.I, ...went upstairs and just sobbed. Absolutely, broke down again, just like I was the other day at the hospital, and the day before I 'did it'. Only the really fucked up thing is that they are not tears of relief. I'm angry. I'm so fucking angry that NOTHING happened. NOTHING!!! While I hadn't gone to A&E... I knew there was the possibility that they might have done...or be doing damage. But now, I know I'm RIGHT back where I started and again...with no way out! I'm crying because it hurts to know I'm still here and will be for a fucking long time unless I can do something about it. Going through this shit day in day out. And if anyone hates me for saying all this I'm sorry, I'd like to go away for you all but I'm afraid I've not been successful this time.