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The self harming thoughts have come back and this afternoon all I could think about was how nice it would be to just take a load of tablets, go to sleep and not wake up.Over the past couple of weeks my self harm thoughts have been getting worse. It's been over a month...not sure how long exactly that I last cut but I'm having really strong urges recently. Not only that but I want to do it in a different place. I always cut my thighs but now all of a sudden it doesn't feel right if I were to do it there again. I want to cut my arms even though I know people are more likely to notice. I saw my therapist today which helped at the time. He's got an interesting approach which must come from working with personality disorders for 14 years. When I told him how I'd been feeling, he very bluntly said "if you kill yourself, I'll be really peed off". Even when feeling this bad he made me smile. It's just the way he says things I think sometimes. Either that or it was a situation where I would either laugh or cry. Light hearted comments aside... we talked things through and I left feeling a bit better. However now I'm back at home and have the weekend looming over me I'm anxious about how I'll cope again.It's funny that I only replied yesterday to a topic about attachments to therapists, and yet here I am wondering how I'm going to make it safely to Monday when I see him again. Although at the time he seems to be able lift the overwhelming feeling of the thoughts, it doesn't last so it leaves me just hanging on for the next appointment.I just feel so hopeless about things at the moment and I don't know how to convince myself that things can change. Or how to cope with these thoughts!
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