Saturday 19th Jan12:08am - Mood: Overwhelmed againI'm still awake. I've been listening to number 18's music ALL DAY and it's still going!I'm not doing well tonight. Posted a few messages on here for support. My mood started going down at about 5/5:30 pm and it's just been getting worse.No one knows. Well, my Mum asked if I was OK and she knew I wasn't but it was left at that and since then she's snapped at me twice so either she doesn't care or she just wasn't 'listening'.Not going into detail as I'd be typing forever, a lot of things are going through my head again at the moment. Thoughts, emotions and it's just overwhelming me again. Anger, hurt, confusion, self destruction. I'm in that dark place again where I just feel like screaming and punching the walls.I'm just...lost for words....I don't really know what else to say to describe it all.Whilst writting this...I've just gone beyond that 'desperate' stage and now I'm just...here....only I'm not exactly. I don't know. I kinda feel odd. Like after I've self harmed and I can dissociate. I can still hear the music so I can't be that far away...unfortunately. Feel kinda numb.Everything is...I don't know, it's like I have a soft sheild surrounding me. I can still hear everything on the outside but everthing is so much louder inside. I don't know if this makes sense but it's like everything is....soft and calm. Movement is soft and slow (though not actually slower). It's just really strange.I'm talking to my brother on MSN which is helping to keep me 'grounded'. I'm going to stop writting now and see if this passes. On the plus side, this has calmed me considerably and I no longer feel like cutting or screaming or anything. I'm just a bit scared of coming out of this 'state' now because I'm not sure what it's going to be like. I'm going to try and go to sleep.
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