(I'm going to write the previous day's entry so that I can write the whole thing in one go)Wednesday 9th Jan 081:30pm - Mood: Sluggish, Dazed but OKGot a headache at the moment but still trying to keep better. (did I really write that??? Bad English alert!). Just about to do Manic's (my new baby guinea-pig) cage, tidy it up a bit. Got the Harry Potter films on for background noise.Seeing Ellie today (my CBT therapist). I'm fine about going, I just wish it was nearer me. I don't feel like travelling all the way up to the hospital again. My pdoc said he wanted to talk to her before my next appointment so I have an idea that he wants to speak to her about something specific...can't wait...Feeling a bit dazed today, think it could be the upped dosage of the Lamotrigine kicking in.Had a couple of dreams but can't remember what they were about. Will try and write some words down in my dreams book.6:15pm - Mood: Tired and PessimisticBack from Ellie's appointment. Didn't get much out of it. I've already learnt everything I ca and I'm using it when I can. She needs to speak to my pdoc to see where we go from here. Feeling frustrated and once again, pessimistic. How can I stay positive when everything everyone sees as a negative though, comes true and happens! I think no one will be able to help me...and my two therapists are saying we might have to make the best of what we can, and they can't really offer me much else. I keep saying I feel like this (these crashes) will keep happening...and it does. What else am I supposed to think. Pretend everything with be rosy as soon as I'm stable? I'm sick of pretending, I'm sick of fighting and I'm sick of having to cope.10:10pm - Mood: Flat and RestlessBeen on DailyStrength for some extra support today as after my CBT appointment, I'm feeling kinda crappy. Posted a few messages and will take a look at any messages left tomorrow. Although even on here you're not that far away from a childish idiot *sigh*.Going to go on my Nintendo DS for a while now...playing the second Pheonix Wright game...on the second case. I was going to watch Wire In The Blood (love it!) but my concentration isn't really good enought to watch TV at the moment.Wonder what tomorrow will bring.
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