Ok so I didn't get round to doing anything creative  I played Pokemon again...oops.

Feeling OK. Not great. Not as good as yesterday but I've taken m tablets and going to bed soon so I shouldn't be awake for much longer.
I'm really quite bad at writing in my diarys. I'm not very good at writing down thoughts and feelings when I'm slightly better. As soon as I start to pick up a little bit, it's almost like I ignore the fact that there is anything wrong and just focus on the obvious...what I did today, where I went. But really I know I should be using this to vent my feelings. I guess that's what has made me write this tonight. It's what I've been thinking, so I've written about it.
So today was a pretty average day. The only thing is...now I'm going to go into a WHOLE other subject here...argh. It's hard to explain it without sounding crazy. OK I'll just write. We're all on here for our own problems right? So why shouldn't I be able to talk about mine.
I'm still very confused over some of my thought patterns. I'd like to know why it is that I can be having good days....like I am at the moment, starting to get some sort of stability again, yet still have images and thoughts of self harm keep coming into my head. The only way I can describe it is like having someone else inside me. I am still completely in control of my body and my actions BUT I am almost...'sharing' my mind and therefore my thoughts. For example...I'll be sitting like now typing away on my laptop....but nagging away in the back of my mind is....not a 'voice' but something reminding me or self harm...showing me images in my head of it. It all sounds so crazy but it really does bother me. How can I REALLY get stable if I have this constantly going on?
In desperation I've even asked advice on the DID/MPD boards, trying to make some sense of it. But nothing seems to fit. In some ways it's very similar to DID/MPD but the fact that I have control and never 'leave' for an alter to take over, rules it out.
I'm just so confused, I don't feel like I know what's going on with my own mind and so that in itself is starting to bring me down again. It's just a never-ending cycle.

So that's all what's going on in my head at the moment anyway. Glad that's over with. Tomorrow I've decided I'm going to set myself 3 tasks. Only very simple ones but ones I know I don't really want to do.
1) Get dressed and stay 'up' for the whole day
2) Wash my hair
3) Do something creative

Again thank you for your comments and support. I feel a bit bad actually. I feel like I should be doing things to tell you guys I've achieved something and instead I'm staying in bed playing computer games again. Sigh. I really need to give myself a kick up the ass. Excuse the expression. Any ideas, experiences or suggestions are welcome if you think you have anything offer with regards to my 'symptoms'.

x-Bliss-x