....I don't really have much to say tonight...I'm not doing well. I feel like bursting into tears but they just wont come. At least if I could cry it might release some of this tension. The walls are oh so tempting to punch and bash my head against, edges and corners oh so tempting to scratch myself on, I'm even looking at my bloody ipod earphones imagining myself just wrapping them around my neck. I'm losing it. For so long I've been dangling off the edge of some tall building and now it feels like I'm holding on with one finger. No. A finger would give me some control. This doesn't feel in control, I don't feel in control. It's more like a ragged piece of cloth...ready to rip at any moment and plunge me into the depths below. What awaits there I don't know. I'm not religious so I can't keep living for heaven...but neither can I be scared of hell and therefore...I am not scared of dying.I see my therapist again tomorrow, at least that should get me through tonight.x-Bliss-x
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Hang in there....keep breathing... one minute at a time if that\'s all you can take it. You can get through this. You have lots of support here - and if you need someone to talk to, I am willing - I have been there. Please let your therapist know how you are feeling.
Well sweetie, I DO know what it feels like to not cry. I was stuck without tears for two months and that was horrible...a person questioning and pushing my buttons on some sore spots made me cry and it helped...I hope therapy helps hun. and yes, please let your therapist know whats going on. Hang on...We\'re all here for you.
Keep your grasp on the side of that tall building! I hope you have a great session with your doc tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.
-michelle
*(*HUGZ)*)*
Hi sweetheart! I was so glad to read you have a pdoc appt. today. Check in (or post a journal) on what transpired when you get a chance. In the meantime, keep journaling and hang in there. We\'re here!