Well its been a while since i have wrote in my journal, seem to only come here when i'm having a tough time. Just had one of those fucked up drinking dreams have a bit of an emotional hangover this morning. I can just feel myself starting to slip into a depression.  My life feels like a mess, you only have to look round my house to see what way i am.  Still going to my meetings, not handing over and dont seem to be able to for some reason. HAND OVER TO WHAT? Its hard to believe im 3 years sober i dont feel it. Maybe thats what i need is my god back in my life but i cant seem to find him or trust him.  Today i feel like shit, so far anyway!!