Today
Today I am going to try to be around other people. I use to be a social butterfly but not anymore. The less people I am around the easier it is . I know my hubby is wanting me to do thing but it is hard because I dont have him here to keep me safe. He is my safety net ,well he was my safety net. My hubby was the best thing that could ever of happen to me . He taught me what love is and how to show it . He would say anyone can say that they love you but it is the way they show you. My life is so different without him here. I never thought I would have to figure out how to live without him.
Well honey I need u today to help me thru this . I know u r not big on ppl but now that no one can see u, we can do this together. I want u to know u r the world to me and I feel like our life is over . U have always been there from me and now I just dont know what to do without u. Chris I luv u with all of my heart and soul. I hope I can make u proud of me . I am not sure how u did this when Marie passed away but u did and we found each other. I never know my life was going to be this good ,I thank u for everything u have done for me . I know u probably dont like that I have let ur ashes go yet but I am just not ready for it yet, so dont be mad at me for it ok. I know in time I will let them go I think .U know u have always meant so much to me and I know I didnt always show it . The kids seem to be doing ok well alot better than me most days. It sure is hard trying to be mom and dad, still cant figure it out how u did it. Everyone that I thought would be around is not and it hurts me really bad . U always made thing easier to deal with I wish I had that again.The drs said they r going to put mom on a different cemo so maybe she will start gaining weight back. This suck that u r not here so I can tell u in person. I wait fro u most days thinking u r comming home but it is slowing sinking in that u r not comming home. What I would give to feel ur arms around me again. Thank u for all that u gave me in our 12 yrs of marriage,I know that is was not always the best but I wouldnt of traded for the world bc I got the kids and u in my life. I luv u babe .I will write u again soon. Oh yeah dont forget u r the hottes sexyest man in the world to me. love always ur Jaime
Well honey I need u today to help me thru this . I know u r not big on ppl but now that no one can see u, we can do this together. I want u to know u r the world to me and I feel like our life is over . U have always been there from me and now I just dont know what to do without u. Chris I luv u with all of my heart and soul. I hope I can make u proud of me . I am not sure how u did this when Marie passed away but u did and we found each other. I never know my life was going to be this good ,I thank u for everything u have done for me . I know u probably dont like that I have let ur ashes go yet but I am just not ready for it yet, so dont be mad at me for it ok. I know in time I will let them go I think .U know u have always meant so much to me and I know I didnt always show it . The kids seem to be doing ok well alot better than me most days. It sure is hard trying to be mom and dad, still cant figure it out how u did it. Everyone that I thought would be around is not and it hurts me really bad . U always made thing easier to deal with I wish I had that again.The drs said they r going to put mom on a different cemo so maybe she will start gaining weight back. This suck that u r not here so I can tell u in person. I wait fro u most days thinking u r comming home but it is slowing sinking in that u r not comming home. What I would give to feel ur arms around me again. Thank u for all that u gave me in our 12 yrs of marriage,I know that is was not always the best but I wouldnt of traded for the world bc I got the kids and u in my life. I luv u babe .I will write u again soon. Oh yeah dont forget u r the hottes sexyest man in the world to me. love always ur Jaime
Replies
Jamie,
I can so relate to all you have written. My Greg was the love of my life and my teacher in everythinjg. I had a horrific first marriage and not so normal childrhood for many years. i met Greg and suddenly knew what real love felt like. I have him to thank for it all. And why I don\'t waste that teaching my friend. you were a social butterfly? keep it up! He\';d want that for you and i\'ll bet what drew him to you!! And know that he will be there right with you when you go out today. Right inside of you. Let that person shine all you can my friend.
My mom went into the hospital the day of Greg\'s memorial, and I was in such a fog. I lost her as well two months after Greg. Didn\'t think I\'d ever get my bearing back. I found this group two weeks after I lost greg, and it has been my lifeline. And 17 months later I am still standing. YOU WILL TOO. Use that beautiful spirit your husband loved so much. and try and do the best you can with your outing. I hope its peaceful for you and that you kow that when you smile? HE DOES FOR YOU.
HUGS Diane
Jamie,
I could have wrote this word for word...so it is handy just to read it too and then just feel the feelings...I just wish we had at least one kid together...but we were both like big kids...so maybe that is why that didn\'t happen. I won\'t know anything until G-d lets me know it....;(
Must pray more now....he said he needed more prayers....:(
Thank you for the post xox