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I'm writing this before I write a title because I don't know where it will go.
Ugh to letting go of denial. I am realizing that this is pretty much the way the rest of my life will go, except that it will continue to get worse. Tied to a f-ing tether all the f-ing time, even while f-ing. Grrr. I found out this week, no more taking the oxygen off, pretty much ever. And now I know why I have felt so sad this week. Goodbye sex without my tether. And I feel a lot less alive because of it. So that's my sad story. Moving on to happy . . .
Sitting here with my doggy. She is snoring and the sound is comforting. She has taken to digging in the rug before she lays down. She did that when we went camping, dug the dirt and made herself a bed. Lately she's been doing that inside. I like it. What little carpet we have is old and icky and our rugs are pretty much scratch/dig proof, so no worries there. It seems to make her happy so go for it Puppy, go for it.
My baby brother, who is also alpha-1 deficient, came down with pneumonia this week. He goes and goes and pretends he's not sick. He and his wife took their grandsons to an amusement park for little kids. And, oh yeah, lots of other kids were there. Boom. He got sick. Just another reminder of how sucky this disease is. Fun with the grandkids pretty much has to stay at home. Maybe this is a sad journal day. I feel sad that I can't run around with the little ones anymore. Grrr to those stupid advertisements on TV that show the COPD grandparents playing in the park with their grandkids. Very unrealistic in my world.
I am losing my mind writing all this sad stuff. Come on happy, where are you?
Bob bought a fake hawk to put outside to try to scare off the woodpeckers. Haha, take that you stupid birds pecking holes in our home.
I think I'll watch a mindless blow things up movie today. I did not like those movies before I married Bob. But I can be entertained for a couple of hours with them now.
Is that 3 happies? Um, doggy digging, fake hawk, mindless movie. Good enough.
Gotta do some laundry. Have a happy today!
Ugh to letting go of denial. I am realizing that this is pretty much the way the rest of my life will go, except that it will continue to get worse. Tied to a f-ing tether all the f-ing time, even while f-ing. Grrr. I found out this week, no more taking the oxygen off, pretty much ever. And now I know why I have felt so sad this week. Goodbye sex without my tether. And I feel a lot less alive because of it. So that's my sad story. Moving on to happy . . .
Sitting here with my doggy. She is snoring and the sound is comforting. She has taken to digging in the rug before she lays down. She did that when we went camping, dug the dirt and made herself a bed. Lately she's been doing that inside. I like it. What little carpet we have is old and icky and our rugs are pretty much scratch/dig proof, so no worries there. It seems to make her happy so go for it Puppy, go for it.
My baby brother, who is also alpha-1 deficient, came down with pneumonia this week. He goes and goes and pretends he's not sick. He and his wife took their grandsons to an amusement park for little kids. And, oh yeah, lots of other kids were there. Boom. He got sick. Just another reminder of how sucky this disease is. Fun with the grandkids pretty much has to stay at home. Maybe this is a sad journal day. I feel sad that I can't run around with the little ones anymore. Grrr to those stupid advertisements on TV that show the COPD grandparents playing in the park with their grandkids. Very unrealistic in my world.
I am losing my mind writing all this sad stuff. Come on happy, where are you?
Bob bought a fake hawk to put outside to try to scare off the woodpeckers. Haha, take that you stupid birds pecking holes in our home.
I think I'll watch a mindless blow things up movie today. I did not like those movies before I married Bob. But I can be entertained for a couple of hours with them now.
Is that 3 happies? Um, doggy digging, fake hawk, mindless movie. Good enough.
Gotta do some laundry. Have a happy today!
Replies
Hugs to you!- Sounds like you are trying to make the best of things. That is all we can expect of ourselves.
DeeDee, You\'re like the train that could \"I think I can,\" \"I think I can.\" You looked and looked then you found 3 things to be happy about. But there was clearly a 4th thing to be happy about. Cannula or not you are still \"F......ing\", and that is the greatest news. All of which makes me smile. Your brother will work this on his own and with your support and encouragement, and grandkids are very forgiving. DeeDee you still have much to be happy about, and I bet if your honest with yourself you will smile and admit it. Please take care, Bill.
Goodness DeeDee !!! I need to get in my helicopter and come get you and take you to Vegas or somewhere!! Problem is, I know how to fly it, just not land it, ...Any way, I am sorry you are having such a sucky bad day!!!I hate this disease also, and this thing in my nose (tether).. Funny story\" My Sunday school teacher who is a sweet, but clueless person wanted to help me one time when she and I were out together. I had my canister in a little roller thing, and was following her into McDonalds, and she wanted to help, so she picked up the little rolley thing with my canister in it(so I would not have to push it) and she took off toward the door. Problem was, she goes fast, I am a snail, and trying to keep up with her, the tether is stretched between us, and it looked like she was leading her doggie or something. I had to stop her, and we had a good laugh. Now if anyone wants to help me, they can walk beside me.My kids, and My sweet grandson are my only reasons to keep kicking around here. If the older ones have a cold, they normally avoid me, or i wear a mask. Asher even wears a mask for grandma, even tho it is so big it fits on his entire face. But I do wear a mask if he is sick. I am not going to comment on that other activity you mentioned, it does sound familiar, but I do not seem to remember it, ha ha....Get happy My Friend......BJ
Dee Dee...you\'re alright baby...we all feel that way at least once a week. I go for long drives on the country roads we have here in New Hampshire which are just beautiful and the scenery is out of a movie. And as I drive I keep punishing myself for not being able to support my 4 yr old son anymore or to help my daughter with her college loans. I cannot even afford to pay the monthly premium for my life insurance policies to leave for my kids. I don\'t have a loving and supporting wife or girlfriend to assist me and hear my soul screaming. At least you have a loving partner that will be with you no matter what happens. And you\'re still f....king! Consider yourself blessed in more ways than you know.
Anyway you have every bloody right to be pissed off, its good for your soul and makes you a stronger person. Do yourself a favor and watch the movie, \"Heaven is for Real\" and then read the book or get the audio. It will help, it did for me.
And as for the sex, hey at least you\'re not the man that has to wear the cannula during sex! just wear it on your head with the hose coming off the back of your neck rather than in front. It does make a difference. :)
You are not alone Dee Dee.