i lost my husband to cancer 6 weeks ago he  was only diagnosed in november but we were told it was terminal and that he probably only had a year or so . after having radiotherapy he seemed to be doing ok he then developed a frozen left shoulder so was not able to do much and then he broke his collarbone at that stage i gave up work and became his carer . because  he was unable to do much he developed fluid in his legs then his lungs so the took him in to hospital to sort out the fluid problem . he went into hospital on the monday and on the tuesday afternoon when i visited i spoke to the doctor who told me he would be in hospital till the friday or possibly the monday i then went home and as i usually did i phoned the hospital at 11pm  to ask how he was and was told he had been for an x ray and they were monitoring his saturation levels but they told me he had said to tell me he was fine.  Just 45 minutes later i got a call from the hospital to tell me to make my way in to the hospital asap as his condition had got worse  I arrived at the hospital at 12.30 to be told he had died 15 minutes before.  my whole world turned upsidedown in the space of an hour   we had been together for 38 years and also worked together for the last 7 years. In the space of a few short months i went from being a happily married woman with a good job and a very good life to being a widow  with no husband no job and no income infact no life and i  just  feel like  i dont know how to function alone after being half of a couple for all of my adult life .  I miss him so much i never knew it was possible to cry so much, people tell me it will get better but right now i cant see it.
Sorry this is so long winded but i felt the need to get it of my chest   Reading other posts on this site has made me realise that i am not the only person goinng through this awful grief