im jusst not happy today .  things at the club house got out of hand at lunch time we were in the kitchen making lunch when we hurd loud noises . we thought it was a fight. when we went out side the kitchen. i saw f on the floor to me it looked like a panic attack the problem was m was tearing at her one arm and some one else was holding her shoulders the floor and the gard was trying to deal with this. what i saw was f yelling to get off of her and fighting for her life. i felt she was releiving a rape plus somehing about her mother dying.  the day before i was told to let the gard handle this only he didnt the girls sat on her and held her down and didnt lisson to any lone to give her room to breath.  l yelled for k to call 911 and ran for help i took my self back in the kitchen i was crying the 3 of us decided to continue to serve lunch we got 20 out of 25 lunches served help came and we were asked to leave. we all went out side . it was too hot for alot of us and we found shade under a tree on the curb. the whole thing was horrible, it reminded me of when i was having a pannic attack and rock tried to hold me nd i bit him another time he tried to hold on to me and i hit him. he would drive me to the point of a panic attack and the try to contain me, by holding on to me when i wanted to be free. rape is realy hard on you feeling and it is funny how things turn out and what you react to later in life enenif you do not want it to it maybe not ruin but ruins a few days of you life every so often and sometimes relationships have to suffer. just for to day i would like a d he didnt want to here any of my problems of the day and he told me he has a new project kurk and told me about k problems how he got mad at some one over some thing stupid and he got mad about it. the proble is paul dosent let me get mad only him and his new friiend k. iv had enough im going to bed it is 2:14 am. ill be happy another day today i feel dizzy