my sister is in hospital for surgery for appendics do not know how she is doing will see her today. sister is cool so is soo and rest of family. it bothers im so self centered everthing is about me .  it is as serched so long for answers  cant realy live life.  so angry at self  spills over onto others.  all paul wanted was peace and not get angry ever at first he wase mean to me he even addited to it.  a mutual friens said if she didnt know paul she would think he was trying to drive me crazy.  it must be 4 times he has started divorce papers and stoped them.  am tired of this threat and then making up latter  all but the last time was me making updont know what to do start divorc proceedings or let him. is everyone i love controling at least to me . today feel better about myself just feel good, mellow, happy most of the time.  some self doubt and hatred directed at me from me.  go from one extreme to the other .  landed mostly in lovinging my self.  not so much angry  when saying ugly stuf just self aware, of what i have given myself.  know why did what just hurts i got into realy not abusive(realy avery good guy)  but controling realationship.  we both are controling each other and everyone around us too bad we are good people and need each other badly.