Hanging in There
Today we laid my baby girl to rest. Yes granted she was 17 but she was my first born and will always be my baby girl. It has been 2 weeks since she left to join the angels but I thing I have finally found some peace. A good wise friend sat me down and said to me that I can choose to be happy or I can choose to be miserable. She explained that I can either dwell on the what ifs or what could have beens I can be angry and blame myself and the rest of the world but where is that going to get me and is this the way my baby girl would want to go through life. On the other hand I can look at all the positives that can reveal itself in the face of adversity and I can choose to be happy. For some reason this talk with her really struck a chord with me and made me really take inventory of my life. I thought about what my friend said and what happened happened and no amount of anger, blame, or what if or could have beens is going to change that. No my baby girl would not want me to go through life being miserable. So the other option is to look at all the positives that can reveal itself in the face of adversity and choose to be happy. So here it goes lets look at the positives.... I am not saying by no means that I am happy that my baby is gone but she lived a good life, she was very close to God and always wanted to be closer to him, she touched more lives that I could ever imagine, she collected toys and went with the church on a mission to Somalia to deliver toys to the children there. I believe that today she is in heaven rejoicing with the lord. Because of my baby girls passing I have a new appreciation for life, I am closer to my remaining children, I have met a wonderful group of people on ds that I would have never met otherwise, and I am a stronger person having gone through this, I have deepened my faith in God ( I feel closer because In times like these that he carries me. (Footprints in the Sand) ) I have had to rearrange my goals in life because the little things really don't matter anymore. My priorities have changed for the better. So for now I choose to be happy. Now don't get me wrong I do get sad and I do really miss her and long to hear her voice and feel her hugs again but she would not want me to be miserable. So today is the first day of the rest of my life. For the first time I feel like life goes on. I truely and deeply understand what life is short means and I never miss the chance to let the people in my life know what really they mean to me. Thank you to everyone who has helped me and offered words of inspiration when I needed it most. You have all helped in my healing process and hopefully someday I can do the same for someone else. I feel that joining this group I have joined a family when I accept a friend request I feel I am accepting a new family member into my life who knows exactly what I am feeling and for that I am grateful.
Replies
Hugging you tight on this difficult day. Looking for the blessings will help when you are struggling, so hang on to your list. All good things that your friend said, but you have lost your precious daughter so allow yourself to feel whatever bubbles up. Take gentle care...Karen
This journal is full of positives and that is great. You have friends, you have faith..those will be great comforts. sending big ((hugs))
Nora
I am glad you have a friend who cares about YOU. It is so important on this journey to find a special friend to lean on, as well as all of us. You sound like you have taken 2 steps forward..
Big Hugs Penny
Whatever you are feeling is the right thing to feel for you at this time. Each of us is different in this grieving. I was not able to look at any positives for many months after Jason died even though I wanted to. It just wasn\'t in me. It took me over eleven months before I went a day without tears. I\'m now 15 months past Jason\'s passing and my outlook is much improved, but it took me this long to get this far. Holding you tightly in my mind and praying you have a peace filled day. Terry
I find your journal very inspiring. Just because we grieve does not mean we don\'t have faith or that we doubt. In fact, it makes us stronger in our faith and closer to God when we turn to Him during our most tragic of times. Because God also \"lost\" a child in a most horrific way, He knows our pain. He cries with us but our children are with Him and thriving in His Light. I am so very blessed that He cares enough to give me hope...to send me signs that are undeniably Him. I pray you will continue to encourage others as you deal with your own grief. We need to lean on each other during these times. God bless you and your sweet family. I love hearing about your daughter and how she went to Somalia to help others....what an amazing young lady. Hugs, dale..brandon\'s mom
You are feeling what you need to and continuing to live your life as best as you are able. We need lots of trusted friends, family and support on this path that none of us ever remember signing up for.
Just this day is all we have and you are trying to find the healing and comfort which will sustain you.
I too enjoy hearing about your precious daughter and all the women here have become sisters of the heart and those are very special ones indeed.
Gentle care to you as you continue to walk this path.
Heartfelt hugs,
Joanie
Sending LOVE energy from my heart to yours. My journey since Kala\'s passing has been full of ups and downs and sideways moments, but there\'s been one constant driving force within me......the deep, inner knowledge that I must live my life to the fullest....even after losing my precious daughter. Kala, The Great Spirit, and all the moms here, have been a tremendous source of strength in helping me achieve LIFE. Sending the tightest of hugs, Teri.
Dont feel bad about dwelling about your tragic loss. Feel how you need to feel. Much love; Joan