This is a Journal entry I made on Aug 29, 07. I need to remind myself of this, as painful as it is.

What do I want?  Continued…. 

“You can't always get what you want
and if you try sometimes you find
you get what you need”  The Rolling Stones

What we want is one thing. What we get is usually is something else. What we get may not be what we want, especially at that moment. Most of us at some point said “I want a million dollars”, anyone instantly get it, probably not.

            In life, like it or not we get what we need. We may not know why at that time, but over time we may begin to figure out why. I have a list of the things I want, I wish were true, some of it is and some of it is not. I want my marriage to work, to get better. I want my wife to turn to me tell me, and tell how much she loves me, how much she believes in our marriage, that she is 100% committed to making this work. I have been trying to get what I want. I now need to reflect and accept that what I get is what I need. I may not understand it now, but over time I hope I will. If I have the courage to keep looking at myself in the mirror and work on me I will be able to learn for this. I will become a stronger person. That’s not to say I will not experience great pain along the way, but that pain is pain of growth, of learning.

            In time that pain will diminish. I will have new experiences. I will have new wants that right now I can’t even imagine what they may be. My list will change, some will remain the same. Why don’t we get what we want, because we get what we need.