Not a good night sleep again. Woke up with all kinds of thoughts running though my head.... The Why's, the if's, the how's, the should's. I was getting very upset. Then I started feeling angry.... I have been trying like hell, Giving her time, space, love, unwavering commitment, understanding. She's given me many excuses, reasons why now or then was not the time to work on us, If I would do something such or such then it would be better. I would do that and that was not enough. She'd change the rules on me. The rules would change so she would not have to let me back into her heart. I can't keep doing this. I love her with all my heart and soul but if she will not let me in her heart theres nothing I can do. It hurts so much, to have the person you love slip away. If I was happy, excited, sad about something she's the one I wanted to tell. How do I heal this hole in my soul? This empty feeling???
Replies
You have no effect on her. You have no control over her feelings. You can only work on you. Be the best person you can be (mentally , spiritually, physically) and that may attract her. If it doesn\'t it will attract someone who better matches your energy. This is a hard test but one that you can pass. You will be in my prayers. You can rise above this pain and see all the beauty in the lessons when you are ready. You can. Sadly it takes more than love to have a functional relationship. I\'m sure she loves you. Give your pain over to the holy spirit (God or what ever your higher power is). THen trust that you can get through this. Let GO. Let God. Detach from the outcome.
The wondering, the lack of answers is very hard. I don\'t think it\'s better once the decision has been made but there is a small amount of balance at least. Time isn\'t up yet, show her you love her, just hold her hand maybe and give her a smile and leave it at that. a few deep breathes and go try to focus on something else, even for a few minutes. I\'m thinking of you. Lynn