I’ve been with my wife for 22 1/2 years, married 19. We were very close at one time. We did everything together. She is / was my absolute best friend. This is what makes this extraordinarily hard. Four years ago that began to change. I sank into major depression. Once I was out of my depression all had changed. It’s like the blink of an eye looking back.   So this brings me to 2008. A pivotal year ahead I’m sure. I can’t keep going on like this. Should I say we can’t keep going on like this. In some ways things have gotten better, in some ways things have gotten worse. Although I don’t think I could really say for sure. The only thing I can say is things changed.  This is my life right now, how I see it and how I’m feeling about it. Some of it is tangible. Other parts are my prospective.   Unhappily married – this is obvious  Lonely – I miss the closeness of my best friend, my wife My kids – My oldest daughter; I don’t have a real close relationship. Part of it is her age but the other part is she was pulled into our problems, although not recently. My son; since he was very young he has always been a challenge. He has ADHD, mild Asperger, OCD. The school year is always very exhausting with him. My youngest daughter; Not much of an issue.  Very confused – Briefly at times my wife seems fine with me. Other times the huge wall.  Lack of touch – I initiate the vast majority of our physical touch. It that’s a shoulder rub, a touch of the hands or arms, kisses, hugs. She rarely touches me, except during sex.  Financially wrecked – Our finances have never been the best the best but the last few years they have become completely a wreck.  I have changed – With the individual counseling I go to, I’ve dealt with many of my issues from my past. I’m a much better person for that. Friends – Me: I do not have many other friends for 22 years my wife has been my best friend. That does not mean I have no other friends, just not real close ones.  Her: She never really had real good friend either before. Now she has a best friend from work she hangs out with, she talks about her all the time. I’ve only met her one time for a couple of hours last year. They’ve been friends for a few years now. When I ask about getting to meet her friend she say “we are not at that point in our relationship”   Physically semi-fit – Compared from where I was, huge difference, although not where I should be.  Sexually – Even with all our problems, that’s not a problem between the both of us.  Trust – Yes there is a trust problem between the both of us. I don’t know if she’s been completely open as to how she feels. Broken trust that happen two years ago and this summer. That not say there was complete infidelity, but there were sexual emails and IM’s. Things looked very suspicious. As for me I get paranoid and snoop though her things.  Couples Counseling – We went a couple of times, never found a counselor that matched us. The last time was a year ago. I would like to try again. She has no interest in it.  Activities – She’ll do things with me like shopping, movies with the kids, even meet for a dinner after work once in while, nothing involving later at night or anything intimate.