I haven’t added a journal entry for all of November. I know it’s important to put our thoughts on paper, just been feeling down and I know it should be even more important when you feel down to do this.   So, how I’m I feeling lately. I guess, if I could come up with one word it’s “NUMB”. Ever since my wife told me about two months ago that she doesn’t know what kind of love she feel towards me. We had always told each other “I LOVE YOU”. Two months ago that stopped. She said it’s not that she doesn’t love me. It’s just not the type of love a wife should feel towards a husband.   Over the last couple of months, I have not told her “I Love You” except for a few times. I’m trying to give her time to figure us out. The times I did say it, I get myself upset because I hope to here it in return and I don’t.   It’s just been a very confusing two months. She tells me she not sure how she feels towards me but, we do many things together. We’ve had some talks not many, again I don’t want to push anything.  We’ll go for breakfast or lunch together over the weekends, go shopping or walk around the mall together. Some times this is with or without the kids. We have been very amicable towards each other. I told her I just want to get past the holidays but come the New Year she is going to have to start dealing with us. We can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep going on like this.   With all this indecisiveness, limbo and numb feelings, I’ve been struggling with my eating and weight. Not to a large degree but enough to concern me, I’ve worked too hard on myself to slip back into old habits. I use to binge eat to subside my old feelings, my emotions from my childhood abuse. I have a tendency to want to eat when I need to numb my feelings. It was my old means to manage my emotions, a very self-destructive means.   I had stops watching what I eat and stopped exercising. I began to chance that this past week. I started exercising again, not quite back into the routine but getting there. This is for me. I deserve to feel good. I deserve to be happy; I deserve to have someone who loves me.